*Trigger Warning* - I discuss certain aspects of sexual assault and the recovery process.
Suffering a sexual assault is an experience that I never thought I would have to endure. You don't think it could happen to you until it does. I kept my assault a secret for almost a year. I don't know what stopped me. Was it fear? Guilt? Confusion? There are a lot of things I wish someone could have told me when it happened.
So now I'm telling you:
You are not alone.
Sexual assault is often considered something we should sweep under the rug, something we shouldn't talk about. Because of this, many stories are left untold. This can leave an assault survivor feeling alone, like no one understands their pain. I will not have my voice silenced by shame. I went through it too. Please, if you have suffered an assault and are struggling to come out about it, reach out to me.
It's not your fault.
No matter what you were wearing, no matter how drunk you were, no person should touch you without your consent. An assault is an attack, a thing that is done to you. Don't let there be a doubt in your mind about who is at fault.
Recovery will be hard.
After being diagnosed with PTSD, I had to re-learn how to live. Every day tasks like getting out of bed and going to class took an enormous amount of effort. I ended up withdrawing from UMass. The amount of mental work it took to start my recovery was too much to do alongside being a full time college student. I have spent the last year in and out of hospitals, therapy, groups and my psychiatrists office. I have an incredible support system that have aided me along my journey, but no matter what kind of support I have, I have to do the work. I'm the one who has to rewire my brain, face my fears and triggers and learn to be okay again. It isn't easy, but it is worth it for a chance to live again.
You are worth it.
All of the therapy, doctors and medication, all of the support you are given; you deserve it. You have suffered a loss and you deserve to be able to grieve and get better. Dedicate time and effort to your recovery, it is important. It is not something that can take a back seat in your life.
It will get better.
You will get better. It will become less and less a part of your everyday life the harder you work. Keep pushing, living this life is worth it.
