I do not generally admit defeat, but 1.5 hours into the Mt. of the Holy Cross hike, I was ready to turn around. I stopped to sit on a rock facing the pine trees and powerful, orange sunrise, with burning blisters on my feet. I turned to my boyfriend and said, "I don't think I can do this".
"We are not quitters," was his reply. He was right, but I also felt as if this wouldn't be considered quitting. The reason I had wanted to do this monstrous 14'er was because I wanted to see views that made my heart leap, my soul sing, and my feet dance. This was a feat I had already accomplished, just within the first couple of miles.
However, we kept going. We went for 5 out of 5.8 miles, and the whole time I repeated the mantra Journey Not Destination in my tired mind. I sent it into my gasping lungs, stuttering heart, and heavy legs. When we reached roughly 12,000 ft altitude and had 2,000 more to ascend in one mile until we reached the summit, I once again told my boyfriend, "I don't think I can do this," and his reply was "but we are so close".
Once again, he was right.
But I looked around at the mountains surrounding me for 360 degrees, I looked at the trees, the algae covered rocks, I felt the breeze on my face, and I felt that I had already made it to the point I was trying to go, even without reaching the real destination.
In life I am often quick on my feet, I like to have a set schedule, I like to budget my time as tight as I budget my money. I have never lived by the mantra: "Journey not destination", but as I was living by this mantra (because we did indeed turn around at that point and head back the grueling 5 miles we had already come) it felt like sweet relief. As if a weight had been lifted off of my back, I was being allowed to live for enjoyment rather than for standard. Although my body thought we were dying, I knew this was actually a moment of true living.
We can't always live for the journey, most of the time we really do have to reach the destination, but in this fast-paced society we live in, with deadlines and bills to pay and schools to get into, I encourage you to take any opportunity you get to remove the weight from your back and thoroughly enjoy the journey to whatever place you are trying to reach. I encourage you to praise yourself for the little milestones you reach and to go easy on yourself if you can't finish the whole "hike".
Reward yourself for trying, because challenges can be scary, they will be hard, but in the end, we get better for every attempt we make. In a society that preaches perfection, let yourself be imperfect, and soak in it. Let yourself be grateful for how human you are.
All in all, what the mountains taught me was: never forget to enjoy your journey, continue to try and try again to reach your destination, and know that each time you try you are getting better. You are being humbled, gaining strength, and actually living life instead of just floating by.
