Have you ever been in complete silence, or at least close to it? (Complete silence is hard to come by.)
Have you ever been away from most distractions? Possibly just sitting outside on a nice night listening to the ambiance that is almost like white noise in the distance? What comes to mind when while you sit there?
Silence can be awkward sometimes for me personally, but I try to play it off and distract myself by doing something, anything. Music is a big part of my daily routine. I am always listening to some type of music no matter what I'm doing. If I don't have music playing or keep myself busy my thoughts wander and race out of control.
I think the awkwardness and unwillingness is because silence in general brings out everything I don't want to think about. It's not necessarily that I shouldn't think about some things, but I would rather not. Silence is ominous and scary most of the time. The other small portion of the time It does serve purpose and has helped me get through some rough patches. No matter what it always brings out some type of emotion from deep down that could be good or bad.
It reminds of all the mistakes and wrongs I have done. As I sit in silence I can not help but think about all the lies I've told, and all the feelings I have hurt intentionally or otherwise and I just didn't care. In silence I think about all the things I should have or could have done or said, but didn't. I'm sure that others could relate to that. It makes me hurt because I don't want to be like that. I would much rather hold no regrets, but deep down in silence I regret many things. I believe no one is perfect, and silence brings out all the imperfections. I believe being alone with your thoughts is a very hard yet imperative thing to master throughout life. It also makes me feel alone. Overcoming that however would help be feel more comfortable and at ease with being alone.
Silence has also helped me though. Some of the roughest situations I have gone through I have just sat down in silence. I calm down, think, and understand the situation better. Situations from bad break-ups to the death of a friend and family. Silence brings out the feelings of these situations. I have found it is better to get them out in the open and loose from myself. If I were to keep them in they would only turn to bad thoughts through silence instead.
Silence has helped me sculpt myself into who I am now. Through silence I recognize my faults whether I like it or not. I reminiscence about loved ones. I come to realizations, and I accept things for what they are. Silence brings out the best and the worst.
