By the time you're reading this, you have a little more than 24 hours before you can no longer cast your vote for the next President of the United States.
Yes, that's a big deal.
This article is not telling you who to vote for (no matter how much I'm restraining my fingers from typing certain words that have to do with that particular subject). It is telling you, however, to actually vote.
Because if you're 18 and over–ahem specifically talking to millennials ahem cough achoo–and you do not vote, bad things will happen to you...or not. You may be a person who just doesn't vote or take any responsibility in the privilege of democracy, and nothing bad at all will happen to you. However, in a perfect world, wouldn't it be great if there were a few small consequences to being a total ignorant doof face?
Like...
1. Everyone would have to make fun of you for not voting.
2. If they don't make fun of you, then they must avoid you completely.
3. Your dog can't even look at you.
4. Every time you enter a room, it'll get quiet pretty fast because everyone has to have been talking about the possibility of unfriending you on Facebook but they're not ready to tell you yet. I mean, you're the guy who didn't vote.
5. Someone will be appointed as the one to make the joke of getting a "I didn't vote" sticker for you, so then it slowly catches on and soon your entire car/apartment/house/toilet is covered with "I didn't vote" stickers. And they're attached with super glue. That's a must.
6. Now you'll be labeled with those stickers everywhere you go. It'll be like a real life Scarlet, White, and Blue Letter. And it won't be fun.
7. It'll be a solid six months before at least one person is allowed to start talking pleasantly to you again. But it'll be one of those terribly vague and awkward conversation starters like "how was your weekend" or "man, it's a cold one this morning, get me back to beach season, right?"
8. A little after that your family may speak to you again. That is, if they didn't already disown you. Because that's definitely an option.
9. Your dog has been programmed to now get lost on purpose and find a new owner, probably one who likes to take action in using his rights.
10. You will not be a redeemed Decent Person until you vote again.
When reading back on this, my first thought was, "That was way harsh, Tai" (if you don't get the reference what are you even doing here). But then I thought, how much harsher would it be if we weren't given the right to choose who leads us, to stand up and defend our rights as HUMAN BEINGS OF THE FREE WORLD? Way, way more harsh.
Don't be a doof face tomorrow. Get up, go to your county's registered voting area, go inside, tell the nice ladies (who usually have candy) that you're there, wait if you have to, go inside the partition please, check the right boxes, get that cool sticker, and move on with your day. We are so lucky that we get to do this. Do not throw away this privilege you've been given.
Just do your god dang duty, and you'll be a rock star forever in my book.
Love,
That Slightly Annoyingly Politically Active Millennial Female
