Mental health awareness and suicide is a topic we so often hear about today. We hear facts and statistics of how many people commit suicide every year, and we are bombarded with words of encouragement and love telling us "never forget that you're loved," "someone out there loves you," "you are not alone," and all of these other reasons to talk you out of thinking that suicide is the answer. But often times no one ever hears the other side of the story- what really happens when you decide to take your own life. Often times people who have thoughts of suicide think that if they left then no one would even miss them, that this world would be better off without them, and that things will never get better; but I can tell you that that is absolutely 100 percent NOT true. Because trust me, I've seen it. I've seen the aftermath and what happens when someone decides that life just isn't worth living anymore, and it's something that I pray no one, not even my worst enemy, ever gets to experience. While you may see that people don't care, my experiences prove otherwise; because this is what I have seen.

I've seen a church crammed with people who were in utter shock and disbelief, as tears and looks of sadness covered their face because their son, nephew, grandson, classmate, and best friend decided to take his own life. I saw his mom clench her broken heart at the podium as she fell apart talking about her son in his eulogy. Her one source of joy and light in life was now gone, and it was evident in her voice as she talked about how much she loved him. I saw his dad cry and break down at thought of knowing that he will never get to see his son again. He'll never get to see him graduate, get married, go to college, raise a family because there was nothing that he could do to stop him from making the worst decision of his life. I saw my friend scream and fall to the ground in our school hallway when she found out he was dead. I saw his family burst into tears at his wake when they saw him lying in his casket. I saw people he went to grade school with who were so distraught at the fact that their friend and old classmate was no longer alive. I saw my best friend look so lifeless and drained the whole week after he left, with tear stains covering her face as her eyes were red and her heart was shattered, and I saw her just last month on the three year anniversary of his death with the same expression and shattered heart that she had three years prior when she found out he was gone. September 7 isn't just another day to us anymore, it's the day that our friend decided to take his own life and it will be for many, many years.

I've seen students all gathered together in pain because their favorite teacher decided to kill herself. I saw parents, faculty, classmates, and old students of hers who graduated many years ago torn to pieces because someone who offered so much guidance and brought so much love and happiness into other people's lives could not do the same for herself.

I've seen the looks on my sorority sisters faces as we heard the news that we had lost one of our sisters. I saw tears flood their eyes, no one saying a word as we all silently fell apart. I saw girls who never even talked to her with tears streaming down their face as they tried to grasp what was going on. I saw girls who were friends with her being comforted by those around her yet nothing could help take away the pain they were feeling in that moment. I saw people who were in the same class as her who was so dumbfounded and shocked that she was gone. I saw my sister's hearts broken because even though none of us all knew her, we all still loved her.

I've seen professors of a 200 person lecture cry because earlier that morning they received news that one of their students in one of their other lectures committed suicide. I've seen my friend break down at separate moments throughout the day, and become so upset that she could barely eat because she found out her friend from high school killed himself. I've seen the looks on people's faces as they talk about someone they knew who committed suicide. How their expression changes and their heart and spirit drops in that one split second as they try to remain strong enough to talk about them. I've seen people whose girlfriend's friend, or their sister's best friend, or their brother's teammate committed suicide and they become so distraught and don't even know how to fathom it. I've seen people in shock and disbelief because they found out a kid who they went to grade school with took his own life.

The crazy thing about suicide is that you have no idea how many people it affects.

No one ever talks about what really happens when you commit suicide. People will be upset, they will be torn apart, they will cry and blame themselves, and they will constantly wish there was something that they could have done. They will be hurting for a long time, they will experience immense sadness, and confusion, and frustration. They will think about what'd you be doing right now, years later. They will wish they knew you better, they will ask God every day why you decided to take your life, and they may even feel their life shatter a little bit. But most importantly, they will care even if right now you think that they won't. PLEASE don't ever be afraid to reach out and seek help, because while I have seen people take their own lives I've also seen people get a second chance, and I promise that things can get better. Don't ever let someone experience the pain and hurt that you get when you lose someone. You are so important and you matter to other people, cause I can assure you that this is not the end, and this is surely not the answer to your problems.

Suicide Hotline:1-800-273-8255