April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. On university campuses all over the country, there are rallies, posters, film screenings, and lectures all aimed at increasing awareness of the epidemic of sexual assault.
Even with all of the good intentions, it can be a hard month for sexual assault survivors (we use the term survivor rather than victim because it has a connotation of empowerment instead of defeat). Throughout all of these events, there are some times when I just want to say something. Since I'm a writer, I figured a list would be easiest to convey everything I've wanted to say these past few weeks. Here are some things I wish more people would know:
1. I am not broken.
Just because this happened to me, does not mean that it ruined me. I dealt with it, I moved past it, and it is now something in my past that does not define who I am now. I do not need pity, and I do not need to be treated like a broken person. I am strong, and this has only made me stronger.
2. I am not a spokesperson.
Sometimes I do not want to talk about what happened. Sometimes I do not want to tell my story at a rally or sexual assault awareness event. Sometimes I may want to speak up, sometimes I want to keep my thoughts, experiences, and opinions to myself. It is my choice.
3. Just because it wasn't reported, doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Most cases of sexual assault go unreported. There are so many reasons behind this, but reporting a case is the survivor's choice, not yours. Respect that.
4. Whether I cry or not, it affected me.
Sometimes I can recount what happened with a poker face. Sometimes I get choked up with tears. I can never predict how I will react to telling you my story.
5. I am not scared of sex or mistrusting of men.
Even though I went through a horrible experience, it has not affected how I view sex and relationships. Just because one boy did something very wrong to me does not mean every other boy I encounter will do the same. Am I more careful with seeing red flags? Yes. Am I more cautious around people who have been drinking? Sure. But, I am not scared of men or of physical contact.
6. Sexual assault is more common than you think.
Sexual assault is a taboo subject, so most survivors don't want to talk about it. You never know what that person in your biology class has been through. You may not know how close to home it can be. It sometimes isn't until it happens to you or a loved one that sexual assault suddenly becomes real.
7. We need to educate each other on what sexual assault actually is.
Just because there wasn't penetration doesn't mean that it wasn't sexual assault. It can happen to any gender. It can take many forms, and it is important to recognize those forms so that you can know right from wrong. Not everyone was raised the same way to know the difference, but it is your responsibility as an adult to know now.
There are many resources to learn more about sexual assault, especially throughout April. If more and more people destigmatize sexual assault survivors, it can only help in the fight to end the global epidemic of sexual assault.
Notice I wrote "What One Sexual Assault Survivor Wants You To Know" and not "What Every Sexual Assault Survivor Wants You To Know." My experience is not something that can be applied to every (or any) other person's experience. This is my personal opinion, and cannot be extrapolated to others.
