Have you ever been surrounded by something big? Something that has changed your life? Something that has constantly been there for you, and in a blink of an eye it vanished? Well, I have. And that something is soccer. Ever since I was 5 years old soccer has always been there. Everywhere I turned I seemed to be at practice, at a weekend tournament, or driving those long hours for just one match. There were those long summer nights that I would spend in my backyard practicing for hours at a time, feeling the cold, dewy grass under my bare feet and juggling with only my thighs because I wasn't quite good enough with just my feet (for those serious soccer players you know what I mean). It followed me where ever I went, like a puppy who thrives on attention and love, or maybe a younger sibling who you will always have a love-hate relationship with. It was something that I consistently craved: the criticism, the cheers, the team bond, the improvement, the learning, I couldn't escape it, but I also didn't want to. I used to eat, sleep, and breathe soccer.

And then one day, silence.

There was no crowd (or cow bell) cheering in the audience, no more records to set, nor a little old Argentinian man screaming "Carajo!" at every mistake made on the pitch. Nothing. Just silence that haunts the continuing unsettling feeling of unfinished work to be made on the field. I honestly never thought it would come to an end. It seemed so far in the future that maybe I wouldn't have to experience such stillness. To some this may seem both ridiculous and dramatic, that soccer is just a game we play as kids to get all our energy out during recess. But for those who understand it's more than just a game, it's your whole heart that has been consumed mentally, emotionally, and physically. We have embraced the competition and preparation that has given us purpose and character since as long as we can remember. And when that final whistle blows, it breaks your heart. It literally feels like a breakup, a first love that you never thought would come to a close, but walks out the door whether you like it or not.

It took me awhile to realize it was over. The tears didn't come till days later as I lay awake in bed reflecting on my soccer career and everything that it has brought to my life. And at that moment I was left with a question that I will continue to ponder for years to come, "What now?" I struggled, and am consistently struggling with an answer for that question. However, as time passed and when anxiety seemed to be the only explanation for such a question, I took a step back. I never really have talked about this transition, neither to my family nor my close friends, which is sad because still to this day there is really nothing to say. It is solely based on myself and trusting the process of deep reflection. With this acknowledgement I have learned to be thankful, embrace every moment, and stay true.

I have never been so thankful for all my friends and family who have supported me every step of the way. Through all the losses, wins, and physical and mental pain, I will forever be thankful for the ones who have been sitting in the stands cheering me on since the beginning. I am thankful for all the life long friends that have been brought into my life through this sport, shaping every aspect of who I am. Through this experience I have also learned to embrace every moment and never take a minute of time for granted. Because eventually it will be gone and become only memories of what used to be. Finally, this reflection has taught me to always stay true, to always believe in myself, and remember (although it is hard) that there is more to life than just soccer.

Now I am off to bigger and better things.