As September comes to an end, so does Suicide Prevention month. But in no way does that mean that this issue should lose any of its importance. Just because one month is specified as a time that it should be addressed and talked about doesn’t mean that the that's the only time it should be brought up. Suicide, depression, anxiety, and many other mental illnesses affect peoples’ lives every day of the year. In an interview with someone I care about immensely, and someone who has experienced and lived with these mental health issues, Thomas Burner has given me his own personal experience with some of the worst things you can say to someone who is in this state of mind. So here are five things you should never say to someone experiencing suicidal thoughts:

1. Generic thoughts.

“These are the types of things like ‘it’s going to be okay, you’re going to be fine, you have nothing to worry about, stay calm’. While these are nice thoughts, they aren’t much help. When you’re talking to someone that you really care about, you don’t want to hear the stuff that just any other person would say. You want to hear about how much you mean to that person, how you’ve impacted their life in positive ways, and you want to feel wanted by them.”

2. Telling them their problems aren’t that bad.

“You can be someone’s best friend, significant other, or even their family member and you’re still only going off what you know. They might not be telling you the entire story or everything that is going on with them. And something that seems so little of importance to you, could be earth shattering to them. Yeah, they might seem like the happiest person in the world, but what they are truly feeling behind that smile no one knows. Just don’t say this, you’re not in their shoes, and you might not know the whole truth of what’s happening.”

3. Threatening to call their parents or the police.

“By doing this, you are putting a lot of pressure on them. Especially if they are in the moment about to do something drastic, you don’t want to give them a reason to possibly do it sooner. Try to help them, talk to them, get them to calm down and take their mind off it. Afterwards, you can encourage them to talk to someone, like their parents, but using it as a threat to make them not do anything could lead to the opposite reaction.”

4. Compare their life/problems to your own.

“This is not a time to play ‘my problems are worse than yours’. Like I said in number two, an issue that seems small to you can mean much more to them than you think. If they are trusting you enough to confide in you about what’s wrong, don’t try to counteract it with a personal experience that was “worse” and yet you’re still here/ not depressed/ etc.”

5. DO NOT GET MAD AT THEM.

“This is without a doubt the most important one. When you’re in the situation of feeling so depressed that you actually do not want to live anymore, the last thing you want to hear is how you’ve disappointed yet another person, especially if this is the person you care most about. Do not tell them that they are selfish or that you would hate them if they went through with it. You never know, you might be their last resort, the last person they come to because they think that if anyone can talk them out of it it’s you. Don’t make them feel like they’ve screwed up yet again.”

Suicide is one of the top leading causes of death in the United States alone. Reach out, speak up, and help those around you. One conversation could change a person's life.

If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/