This month is Mental Health Awareness Month. It's a month dedicated to talking about mental health. Every month should be a month to talk about it, but we have this crazy thing going on where we just don't talk about it because it's difficult to do so.

Being open about my struggles has put me in a difficult position. That sounds selfish because it actually put everyone in a difficult position, and that probably isn’t the best way to put it, but I can’t think of another. I share something with someone, and then I expect the perfect reaction, whatever that may actually be. I am sorry. I am sorry I shut people out and act cold right after telling someone major news. How do you react when someone tells you they self-harm, are suicidal, have an eating disorder, are depressed? I don't really know. Maybe this is more of a confession and less of one of those self-help articles.

I want someone who cares, but I wish I could just cut the care off at a certain point. That isn’t possible, though. I can’t just cut off people’s emotions or control their reactions. The way people react to me is less about me and more about the way what I just told them makes them feel. It’s a reflection of whatever is going on in their head. I have suffered through both extremes, from uncaring to overbearing, from breathing down my neck and hiding kitchen knives to total silence, neither of those I have been very comfortable with.

Today the school counselor shared something with me that was particularly helpful. These issues that I deal with and talk about in my articles are not casserole illnesses or problems. If you tell someone you have cancer, they bring over a casserole or send you a card, but when you say you’re depressed, no one is going to bring you a casserole (why would I want one?). People just don’t really know how to react to these things.

So while I can’t tell you what to do or say, I can tell you what not to do or say.

So here is your self-help section.

1. Please for the love of all things holy, don’t tell me that someone has it worse than me. I already feel terrible and like my issues are invalid — don’t add to it. Regardless of how minimal your problem may feel. Your feelings are totally valid and matter. Comparing your problem to someone else’s to gauge how “bad” it totally doesn't help anything.

2. Please don’t tell people to try not to be so depressed or try to just eat or try not to want to die. We’re trying.

3. Don’t assume that someone is “acting out” as a way to “punish you.” The things I am having a hard time with are not direct attacks on you; my mess of a head has not come about for the soul purposes of “punishing” you.

4. “It’s all in your mind." Are you joking, right? Of course, it’s in my mind; it’s a mental illness, but I promise you I am not just creating these feelings for fun. I am not enjoying this.

5. “I thought you were stronger than this.” This typically follows some form of relapse, whether it be self-harm, drug addiction or eating disorder-related, people love to say this. Relapse doesn’t make you not strong. Simply put, shit happens, and we are all just trying to survive, and in the recovery process, relapse happens; it’s bound to happen. Making a remark like that after someone is willing to open up to you is the opposite of helpful.

6. Please for the love of god stop telling me that drinking water and sleeping more will solve all my problems. I drink 140 ounces a water a day at the very least, and I seem to not yet be healed. Water and sleep are super helpful (so is waffles and vodka sometimes) but these are not cure-alls by any means.

7. Thank you for your friendly suggestions of prayer and your prayers, but here is where I tell you guys that I am not super religious by any means, but anyone with good common sense knows it takes more than prayer to get something done. Praying that I pass an exam and not studying probably won’t work. Same with this stuff.

8. One of my favorite things to be called is selfish; it always puts a smile on my face. The actual deal is I am the opposite of selfish. I care so much about everyone else and how they are doing that I totally forget myself in the process, and it is so exhausting to be that way. This is the case with a lot of people, so if someone is opening up to you, chances are they are finally taking some time to take care of themselves.

I hope you will take this stuff into consideration when someone shares something with you. Someone opening up and being honest with you about such difficult topics to talk about is such a huge deal. Just care. Meet them in the middle. Ask them what they need. A lot of the time, people just need to know they have someone they can talk to.