Do you ever try to strain your memory and think back to when you were a child and the world was so easy to figure out? Do you ever think about what your ten-year-old self would think about you now? Would he or she be proud, or would they think you were a giant loser?

I know for sure that my ten-year-old self and my twenty-year-old-self would at least have one thing in common; we are both terrified, terrified of different things, but terrified nonetheless. You may be wondering what it is that we could possibly both be afraid of-- since a ten-year age gap is pretty significant...

The answer is: we are both afraid of change.

We crave it, but are too afraid to really embrace it. We’re hesitant; we don't trust ourselves to handle things on our own.

Now, to be fair, when I was ten the “things” I was handling were more along the lines of deciding what kind of dress I was going to wear to my elementary school graduation (I picked out a lovely pink and green dress with an even lovelier pink flowered brooch on it, in case you were wondering) and whether or not I was going to survive middle school. But at the time, just like it is with all pre-teens, these were huge obstacles I was going to have to cross.

Today I find myself being suffocated by the pressures of adulthood. I find myself wanting to be that ten-year-old girl again, instead of someone who is only a little more than a year shy of completing my undergraduate degree and entering the real world. This is a fact that’s really hard for me to comprehend; all I’ve ever been is a student, and the thought of not being one anymore terrifies me. It’s the reality, though, and I know I have to accept it.

Each and every New Year is the same deal... You count down the last ten seconds of the year, and in those ten seconds you feel the excitement of a new beginning, a new chance to get things right. And then, January comes and you find yourself doing the same shit you did the previous year.

But change comes gradually, whether we like it or not.

Change comes quicker if we let it.

What I need to gain from 2017 is the acceptance of the fact that my life is soon going to change drastically. I need to stop hiding from everything that scares me. I need the motivation to be a better person.

I need to stop living my life in fear. I can't keep letting my anxiety consume me and I can't keep letting it make me into a person I don't want to be.

I don't want to live in anger anymore. I'm sick of being bitter. I'm sick of harboring all this hate inside of me.

I don't want to be stuck in a place where I feel like I don't belong.

What I need from this year is to let go of all the crap that is holding me back... I think it's time.

I am not expecting to become this new person overnight and I am not expecting to suddenly become fearless. What I need from myself is the ability to go out on a limb, to live a little more and wonder a little less.

I don't plan to have my life figured out by the end of this year by any means, but I do want to be more confident in my decision-making skills. I want to be able to trust myself a little more and maybe even trust those around me a little more.

Basically, what I really need from 2017 is a little more courage and a little more self-love.

Here's to the start of a new year.