In light of the Stanford rape case, a discussion about such a topic is in order. Sexual harassment/abuse has always been a subject very near and dear to my heart. I think it is very important to amplify the voices of victims and be a support to them, not a harm. I apologize if the cover picture is of too graphic a nature for you, but it speaks volumes to this topic and I found it very fitting. First, a story.

I was in a college course titled "Seminar in Thinking and Writing", and the coursework had to do with just that. We would read certain sections in our book and respond to prompts both in written and oral form. Our written responses were able to be commented on by peers, a little comment section, so to speak. We were discussing women in the media. A classmate of mine wrote her post about rape; a touchy subject for most people. Another student responded, voicing his opinions. Most of it was harmless banter, however, there was a statement that caught my eye. She should have seen it coming.

Excuse me? Excuse me?

I was livid, to say the least. But I didn't want to unleash my wrath on my poor classmate, perhaps I had misheard him. I replied to his comment asking him to explain. We replied back and forth until I was so tired I had no more protest left in me. His comments insinuating that victims of rape are in any way responsible for their rape had me angry and weepy. The following day I could not look him in the eye because he disgusted me. That student, unfortunately, shares a majority opinion.

I'm sure you've heard the term: rape culture. It was actually a term coined by 1970s feminists of the Women Against Violence Against Women organization describing the way society tends to blame victims for their rape (a little feminist history for you). You're probably surrounded by people who perpetuate rape culture. Harmful sayings like, "she was asking for it", "boys will be boys", and any dialogue that suggests what a victim was wearing or doing places some of the blame on them.

Consent is everything, people. Consent is not equal to a low-cut top. Consent is not equal to being drunk. Consent is not equal to being unconscious. Consent isn't even equal to a "yes" the last time! By telling a rape victim or speaking of a rape victim as if they did anything that made it their fault they were raped, you are trying to evenly distribute responsibility when there is no need. There is no "it takes two to tango" with rape. But Tessa, you say, she was drinking in a sketchy part of town with people she didn't really know. I don't think any person who has ever been murdered woke up in the morning of their death and said, "hey, I'm gonna try to get killed today!" Similarly, no human being puts themselves in a situation wanting to be violated on such a personal level.

You also might be thinking to yourself, hey, Tessa used a female in that scenario! Men get raped too! Yes, dear reader, I know men get raped too. All of what I have said here involves all people, men, women, non-binary people, transgender people, etc. I am also aware of the cases in which persons have been falsely accused of rape. I urge you, I beg you, under no circumstances let those cases affect how you handle every rape allegation you come into contact with. Rape is not like a tall tale about a fish. If you don't believe your friend caught a two-footer last weekend, who cares? You disbelieving him won't do any harm to your friend. But it is a lot more detrimental when you don't believe someone who comes to you about their rape. Listen to them.

Not only was I disgusted by my fellow classmate with whom I argued, I was scared of him. He isn't the only one who thinks that way. As a young woman, I don't want to live in a world where I get blamed for something so bad happening to me, if it were to ever happen. And I'm not just fearful for my own good. I am fearful for my friends, my peers, my future sons and daughters, their future sons and daughters, etc. So while you may think if you catch someone like that student making comments like he did that you should just ignore them- don't. Be the change you wish to see in the world. And improvement starts with a conversation. That's how language changes. Discussion.