When I was a little girl, I had two baby dolls. One was a white, blonde haired little baby. The other was… what would be the correct term? Doll of color? DOC? We’ll call it a DOC. Anyway, I had these two different colored dolls. I remember favoring the white doll. I highly doubt that I was ever taught to favor the white doll by anybody in particular, but it was probably something I picked up. I was a Barbie child. We all know Barbie was a disproportionate face of beauty, but nonetheless I loved Barbie. I had all the movies, tons of different Barbies, a corvette for my Barbies, and my stepdad even gifted me with a Barbie suitcase where I could store my Barbies and their clothes. I was (unknowingly) growing up with the idea that this white, blue-eyed, blonde-haired, slim doll was the kind of beauty I should strive to be. My little doll of color wasn’t like the dolls and movies I loved, and looking back I remember not liking it as much as my other dolls. However, I looked more like my doll of color. I’ve never been the smallest in size, and it was just reinforced by the shows I watched even when I branched out further than Barbie. Hannah Montana was also a tiny, white girl who was (sometimes) blonde also. The closest I ever had growing up was Lilo, because I’m Pacific Islander. But it’s not like Lilo was ever really my idol. The closest we come to in looks was that we are both brown. And Lilo isn’t liked the way that my Barbies were in their movies. Lilo had one friend. And it was a weird alien-dog thing, that destroyed everything in his path. The other girls didn't like her, and she hated herself. Hardly what I really wanted to be like.
I remember wishing from time to time that my stepdad had been my birth father. He was white, blonde, and had blue eyes. Just like what I wanted. I painfully remember thinking that if he had been my birth father, I’d be prettier. I’d have a last name like “Bryant” instead of “Retwaiut.” I’d be in the front of the class with my last name, instead of the back. People would know how to say my last name. I’d have the pretty blue eyes that everyone loves. I’d have straight blonde hair that was easy to control, that didn’t break tons of hair ties, instead of my curly lion hair that frizzes like no other. There aren’t a lot of Pacific Islander idols in Hollywood, so for a long, long time, I wanted to be like my white idols. I didn’t realize how detrimental that was for me, or that I could’ve used an idol that looked more like me. I remember putting my dark, curly locks in a ponytail or bun every day because I didn’t like how curly it was. I went through a short phase where I straightened it every day, but that ended quickly as I started to value my sleep over hair. It was a big insecurity for me, and there definitely wasn’t an idol for me when I was younger to have helped me pre-puberty when it was just wavy. It took a long time for Disney princesses to be a person of color, but there still wasn’t a Pacific Islander one. Until now.
When I heard news that there was going to be a new Disney princess (spoiler: she’s not a princess and she makes that clear in the movie) that would be a Pacific Islander, I was ecstatic. It took me until I was 16 or 17 to really be comfortable with my hair and even then, I still wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I’m almost 19 and still working on it, but so is every other 19-year old, right? What makes me so happy is that even though I wasn’t able to have someone like Moana when I was little, there are girls like me who will. I think baby Moana and I are twins. She’s just a tad browner because I’m half white.
We both had the big brown eyes, dark curly hair, and my pre-school photo even has flowers in my hair for crying out loud. I wish I had Moana to idolize when I was a little girl. She also has the same thick, curly hair I grew up to have past puberty. If I had someone to look up to like her, to know that is what I would look like when I was her age, I might not have hated my hair or body as much as I did. She's proportional! Moana doesn't have the tiny waste and wide hips like the other idols.
I mean seriously, the same hair. Even her nose is similar to mine. It's small, but a little wide at the bottom. But not only does Moana look like me, she's a fantastic role model. Without trying to spoil the movie for people who haven't seen it, I'll try to tell you what happens. Basically, Maui the demigod screws over the mortals and their island starts to die. The people never fish beyond the reef, but there aren't any fish left for them. The fruits they harvest aren't edible and the people are running out of options. Moana, who has a passion for adventure, discovers her ancestors used to be great sailors (just like mine!!!), and sets out to find Maui and reverse the curse. She learns how to sail by the stars just like her ancestors (and mine!!!) and as you can guess, she saves her island. And the best part? She does it without a boy! It was an incredible movie and it didn't need any romanticism. She also makes it clear that she is not a princess, but the daughter of the chief and is set to be the next chief. While she sometimes doubts herself, she remains strong and selfless.
She's easily my favorite Disney character. I can't imagine what could've been different for me if I got to have Moana as a kid. She's Polynesian and I'm Micronesian, but our culture overlaps in some similarities. She's a remarkable figure to idolize, and I can only hope that little girls like me look up to her. I hope they see her curly hair and learn to love their own curls, instead of hiding them. I hope they see her fuller figure and love their bodies, because Moana can kick ass. I'm hopeful they learn to love themselves and work hard, without the reward of a handsome prince, a lot sooner than I did.
