It's like floating. You're out in the ocean on a pool float, your shades on, and you're just far enough from the boat to hear the music but not the constant chatter. You're almost asleep with the warm sun beating down on you. You feel you just might be dreaming, but the nudging of the sharks around you reminds you that you can still be hurt. Every now and again a shark will get too close and remind you of your fear. Some manage to take a bite, and leave you in agony. But for now, you're still floating, almost asleep in perfect comfort.
***
It's like walking through a bad snow storm in your pajamas and stumbling across a sauna. As you sit in the warmth you feel your whole body tingle. Sometimes the tingling hurts from how much you feel it. Other times it lulls you to sleep. This tingle providing both comfort and relief. All you want to do is sit in the arms of the warmth as it relaxes your mind. Easing you into staying longer and longer, until you decide to stay forever.
***
It's the feeling you get when you're falling asleep. You've tried to fight it off for as long as you could, but you can feel your body falling deeper and deeper into content. This almost dream-like state reminds you just how vulnerable you are.
***
Love is knowing how to fly but staying grounded. Love is forgetting how to swim but jumping deep in the ocean. Love is trusting someone with your heart when all you've ever been is hurt. Love is jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Love is messy. Love fights harder than any champion warrior. Love is the good days. Love is the bad days. Love is fear. Love is hope.
***
Despite my fear for love, I fell for you anyway. People think love is about the grand gestures, but they haven't learned yet. Love is the little things. The way he smiles at you. The way he talks to his mom. The way he cares for his animals. The way he tells you the little parts of his day. The way he touches you. The way he twitches in his sleep and waits for you to tell him to turn over. The way he holds you tight when your anxiety spikes. All of these things made me love him. All of these things make my head spin with thoughts of him. Sometimes I want to tell him, but the fear of being too much enters my mind. My past has left me broken in more ways than I can count. I want to tell him but my fear holds me hostage.
***
If I told you I loved you would you run and hide? Would you hold me close? Would you leave me? Or would you stay?
