Growing up in a single household was something I learned to become accustomed to. My mom is a saint and did her best to provide for three children, but that didn't mean that sometimes I felt like something was missing. Losing my father to cancer before I even turned two was a defining aspect of my life. There are some days that all I want is to hear him tell me he is proud of his little girl. Here are a few of the many things I have learned from losing my father.
1. Family events are always a little bitter-sweet.
Holidays, graduations, weddings, birthdays, and everything in-between are always just a little different. As much as everyone tries to be happy, we are all left wondering what it would be like if he was still here. I will never know what it is like to have my dad walk me down the aisle or see him holding his grandchildren for the first time. I would still finding myself looking for him in the stands of basketball games or longing to hear him lecture me about responsibilities. As happy as our family is, every holiday or special occasion is forever changed.
2. Your friends just don't get it.
I love my friends more than words, but there are just some things they don't understand. Sometimes I feel all alone because they have both parents and can't relate. As much as I know some of them get annoyed by their over-protective dads, they have no idea what I would give to have mine back. Even seeing them post pictures or getting a phone call makes me a little jealous.
3. "You look just like your dad".
This is a comment some people might look twice at, but it is something that brings an air of sadness to the room. I am honored that people can see my father in me, but it still doesn't change the fact that he is gone. I sometimes feel like it was harder on people to get over his death because every time they look at me they see him. I'm sure anyone who has lost a parent can agree this is one of the things that hurts the most.
4. It never gets easier.
When I was little I had the naïve idea that getting older meant it would all be easier. I am realizing that it never will be. There are decisions you make as an adult that your really need your father's advice for. I have always based my choices on what I think would have made him proud. I am also realizing that he would be proud of the woman I have become and who I have yet to be.
5. Family truly means everything.
My father's death forced my family to realize life is short. Nobody plans for a loved one to die, but that doesn't mean that is impossible to cope. I am best friends with my siblings, and I have more respect for my mom than I ever thought possible. I hope nobody my age ever has to experience the loss I have, but I want you to remember your parent is proud and would want you to continue living.
To my angel in heaven. Love your little girl
