What It's Like Living With Depression And Anxiety

What It's Like Living With Depression And Anxiety

You can't imagine a world without living like this.
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If you know what exhaustion feels like, multiply that by a hundred and then you've barely scraped the surface of what it really feels like.

It's like living in a cage with the door wide open, with no willing limbs to carry you to freedom. Its panicking about literally everything, but having no motivation or care to do anything about it. It's knowing you have deadlines and work, but your mind won't allow you to settle for a happy medium and get anything done.

Depression is enough on its own to handle. You feel like garbage and can't get out of bed most days. You let your thoughts dictate your vision of yourself and you fade away.

Add anxiety into the mix. It's like becoming the embodiment of chaos itself. Now you're worried about every little thing, constantly turning your head in the panic to new things and avoiding people at all costs, which you already do, but now its a priority.

Because being around people only makes you feel worse about yourself in the sense of how much life and joy and determination they have when you were not gifted with the same basic talents.

You have piles of homework to attend to with deadlines approaching the harbor quickly, but you can't bring yourself to raise your sail and do things on task. Waves upon waves of defeat and trepidation drag you under and it becomes hard to breathe, hard to see.

It's not easy living like this, constantly exhausted by the opposing forces in your head. But the important thing to remember is that it's not all in your head. It is very real. People show as much as they want when it comes to battles like this, but no one can say and fully believe that depression and anxiety doesn't exist, because it exists everywhere and in a more broad audience.

Help is wanted, but sometimes barely achievable in states like this. It's hard to hear us with our silent screams, but we do want help and we do appreciate those that make a effort. You are not forgotten, but sometimes we need more than one checkup.

We need reassurance that our friends and family still love and care for us. No matter how much you want us to open up about it, it rarely happens. So if you just simply know someone who deals with these struggles, let them know that you are there for them, even if they tell you nothing. It's the thought that you aren't alone when you feel most vulnerable that truly counts.

Don't discredit us. Don't pretend to understand when you don't. If you can't comprehend the situation, then just lend a careful ear. It's better to have listened quietly than to have listened ignorantly.

Fighting these battles isn't for the faint of heart. Maybe that's why we fight, because we somehow are strong enough to get through it.


IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ARE STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND/OR TENDENCIES, REACH OUT IMMEDIATELY. NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS ALONE. SUICIDE IS SERIOUS.

National Suicide Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255 - available 24/7

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won’t see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won’t laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won’t go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They’ll miss you. They’ll cry.

You won’t fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won’t get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won’t be there to wipe away your mother’s tears when she finds out that you’re gone.

You won’t be able to hug the ones that love you while they’re waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won’t be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won’t find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won’t celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won’t turn another year older.

You will never see the places you’ve always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You’ll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it’s not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don’t let today be the end.

You don’t have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It’s not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I’m sure you’re no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won’t do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you’ll be fine.” Because when they aren’t, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

For help, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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Mental Health Is Important, Too

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There comes a time in your life, maybe a few different times, when something in you just clicks. You know, the moments when you can't really explain it but it all just seems to make so much sense but you still don't understand it. But in it, you understand that you get to move forward in the next chapter of whatever it is you have been working toward.

The element about this that makes it so frustrating is not being able to understand it or explain it. It is one of those things you just have to trust is good and then build on it. It is really hard sometimes to just "trust" that the feeling of reassurance or peace (maybe?) is something you can depend on when you struggle so much with uncertainty.

I am almost 23 years old, and I have experienced these feelings a few different times, mostly in the last few years. But there are several people (some that I knew personally) who don't ever, and won't ever, get to experience these moments in their lives. There is a sort of pain and suffering that comes along with never being able to feel or reach that next chapter. The feelings of being stuck, being trapped, sometimes moving backward and further away from goals.. it can be the loneliest place to be.

Add in the factor of labeling- labeling someone a loner, someone who pushes everyone away, someone who never accomplishes anything, someone who is a loser, someone who is a nobody, someone who is nothing, someone who is a mistake, someone who did something they never did.. these are the types of things that contribute to people feeling like there is no "next chapter" to reach and strive for.

I am honestly not sure what to take from this article... Do I take from it that there are people in this world who strive for greatness and they do nothing less until they reach it? Do I take from it that there is darkness in this world that consumes people so much that it destroys them? Could I take from this that there are people in this world who experience both the need for success and the feeling of never-ending darkness? I will leave that up to your interpretation.

I just know my story... I know pieces of others' stories... I know of a young girl who took her life way too soon because of labels... I also know those labels to push someone toward success. I know of a young boy to be bullied to death, and I know of people who continue to be labeled even though they are no longer with us because it justifies some peoples actions.

I wish that there was a way to make a difference- a difference in homes, in communities, and in schools to help authority figures and children realize that this behavior is not okay. I wish more teachers cared as much about the conversations in the hallways as they do their low salary. I wish principals cared as much for the wellbeing and whole story of an entire student rather than the grade they see on a test or the undisciplined actions they present in a classroom. I wish parents would understand that it all starts at home- discipline your children but don't be so strict that you are abusive; neither of these things produces good qualities.

I hear all too often, with a brother in a public high school, of the amount of superior behavior that goes on in schools with little to no attention paid to the actual problem. When will state education systems recognize the importance of mental health, bully and suicide prevention systems, and assemblies addressing the deaths of students and actions of abusive behavior going on within their education systems and communities?

I truly do not understand why we are still talking about some subjects but not others. Mental health is no less important to that of equality of race, gender, and socioeconomic status. If anything, it should play a bigger hand seeing as though it is usually because of race, gender, and socioeconomic status that bullying lays a foundation and builds on.

Let us pay attention to everyone getting a fair and equal shot at life and reaching those moments that we cannot quite describe but understand when we feel them. Let everyone get that opportunity to reach their next chapter in life. Don't be a part of the period that ends their book, be the sentence that makes them want to turn their page

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