In this day and time it seems as though everybody we know is doing one of three thing: falling in love, getting engaged, or getting married. There was a time where I though I had found, "The One" for me, but what I didn't even realize was how wrong it was. I would have liked to remain friends but that just wasn't in the cards for us.

I will admit that in the beginning I thought you were it. I didn't see anything wrong with you, you have no flaws at all. Our relationship was based on respect and trust and you treated me as a woman should be treated. I was always excited to spend more time with you than the day before and what I didn't even notice was how bad everything eventually became.

You started getting really jealous after something you blew out of proportion, you started trusting me less, and even though I fought for us and your forgiveness I knew you still were secretly holding it over my head. Nothing I could ever do was good enough or even proof enough of how devoted I was to you and the relationship we had grown together in. I spent countless nights with you ignoring all the fun times I could've been out with my sisters, bonding with my Little, and even us hanging out with out mutual friends because I just wanted to be there with you.

After you graduated and moved home we had made a pact to visit each other as often as possible. Well since I couldn't be with you all the time I started hanging out and enjoying my Sophomore year of college, to catch up on the semester I had missed. I started making new friends, reconnecting with the ones I had basically kicked out my life to make more room for you, and hung out with your brothers that I became friends with my Freshman year. Yet, you still didn't trust me or my judgements. My friends weren't up to your standards and you thought that they would be bad influences on me. You definitely didn't trust me with your own brothers from your chapter or any other chapter either. All you wanted me to do was go to class, sit in my room, do homework, and go to work (which you wanted me to quit from majority of the time). I was at your place 98% of the time the last several months we were together but it was never enough for you. You started telling me what I could and couldn't wear even though you were not the one buying clothes for me. Constantly asking me who I was trying to impress by dressing up all the time. (MY DAMN SELF THANK YOU.) You even barely came to see me at school like we agreed and everything was starting to take its toll.

I started feeling and becoming emotionally abused because you would say things like, "You know I love you so why do I have to say it?" Well, for starters its because you love me that you should WANT to tell me. Remind me daily of how much you loved me.

Now in the beginning my father passed (a story for another day), but when it was approaching the one year marking of his passing you were growing more and more unsympathetic towards the situation. Telling me, "It happened a year ago, you just need to pick up, move on, and get over it."

Wow.

Well I was not a fan of that and thats when I knew you were no longer the one.

All the dreams I had, had about us getting married and you sharing the same dreams with me had suddenly turned black and didn't feel right. I was no longer in love with you yet still loved you. All the words you had said that deeply hurt me, disrespecting my mother to me, having no sympathy to hurt I had been caused by my fathers death, to just not being there for me in general made me realize it all had to end.

So here I am now, 1 year and 4 months later, still trying to pick up the pieces of emotional damage you cause. I can't trust any guy that talks to me, even when I try to have relationship with someone the minutes they say something that comes across as controlling I defend myself and run for the hills, and whats actually the best thing I've gotten from this is that I've learned how to be independent.

There are times that I do feel lonely, but I am surrounded by friends and sisters that show me so much more love than you ever did. I have learned that really I just need to rely on my God and myself for anything. I don't need the comfort of you telling me everything is okay for it to be so.

I'm grateful for the relationship we had in the sense that I know what to look out for thats wrong in a guy and to stay away, and not fall down that rabbit hole again.

Now I'm going to live my life the way that I want, hang out with who I see fit to, and wear whatever I feel like wearing. It will take time to fine "The One" but I know God has someone better for me than you.