It can be hard to realize or admit that you are, or perhaps were, in an unhealthy relationship. It's hard for us to remember all that we deserve when we get so caught up in someone else and want nothing more than for them to be happy.
There comes a point where you can be giving too much and not getting all that you deserve. Here's what I learned when I looked back on the unhealthy relationship that I was in.
You don’t deserve to be somebody’s secret.
If they aren’t proud of you, then they don’t deserve to have you. You don’t deserve to only go to their room at night to try to relieve the stress of their day; you deserve to be a part of their entire day, from beginning to end. If they don’t do anything for you, if they don’t take you out, show you off, or listen to your problems, then you might be their secret. When you find the one, you won’t be their secret. They’ll tell anyone and everyone about all that you do for them and how grateful they are to have you. You won’t exist solely when they need you or want you, you’ll be a part of them and all that they do. They’ll want you all the time.
Everything is not your fault.
If they come home after a bad day and decide to place the weight of the world on your shoulders, that is not okay. They shouldn't have to make you feel bad to make themselves feel better. They shouldn't blame you or take their frustration out on you. That isn't love, that's the inability to handle problems in the right way. Being cruel after a hard day and making you feel like it’s your fault or that you should be able to fix it all isn’t true. It isn’t your fault and you should never take blame.
It is not your responsibility to fix someone.
You can't fix all of someone’s problems; you can only love them as they overcome theirs. You shouldn't be anyone's savior, and if that's what he or she is searching for, then you honestly shouldn't put yourself in that position. You weren’t meant to fix someone else’s problems, you have your own and they’ll just pile up and eat away inside. No matter how much you love someone, you don't need that kind of responsibility. It shouldn't work that way. You can be supportive as they get the help they need, but it isn't your job to be the only help they get. That isn't being selfish; if anything it's loving them more and helping them heal in the right way. You can't fix someone, and you honestly shouldn't have to.
You have to love yourself first.
First and foremost, you have to know what’s best for you and all that you deserve, which should be the first step before getting into a healthy relationship anyway.
If you were in an unhealthy relationship, you deserve to get back to remembering what it’s like to love yourself and know all that you are worth. It’s okay to feel broken, but know that you have the power to put the pieces of yourself back together. You’re worth so much and loved by so many people, you deserve to heal, for yourself.
