I shy away from personal stories, but in the midst of graduation pictures on Facebook, and the reality of transferring schools for my senior year has made me look back at this year, thankful for all the memories and lessons learned.
I'm not one who easily accepts things and moves on. I struggle with being too dependent on people, and having to let go when I'm not ready. When a guy I was dating broke things off at the beginning of the year, I was a mess. I didn't know how to be alone, and fell into a place I never want to be in again. I mostly kept things to myself, but my real emotions came out when I was drunk. However, I was hopeful that things would return to normal when he came back from studying abroad. And when he wanted to get back together, only to break things off the next day, I had a hard time accepting that.
Then I struggled at school. Everything seemed to distract me and I felt overwhelmed even doing the bare minimum. There were so many days I couldn't find the motivation to do anything. It felt like a constant fog in my brain, and I hated how I felt. I grew frustrated at myself, because it seemed like everyone around me was so productive, and no matter how I tried, it felt like I got nothing done. I still struggle with this, which is why I agreed when my dad suggested I transfer for my last year of school. I didn't put much thought into it. I just wanted to get away from all the distractions so I could focus on my schoolwork.
As finals week approached and I was slowly moving some of my stuff out, did it really hit me that I wouldn't see my friends as often and things wouldn't be the same. I would joke about me leaving, just to cope because I didn't want them to know how much it hurt to leave them. I had never made friends as close as I have with them, and the fact that I had to give that up was a lot for me.
I met a guy during finals week. I normally play it safe, and don't do anything on an impulse. I didn't know him, except for the fact that we were in the same club on campus. I thought he was cute, and since I was leaving I decided to friend him, because I wouldn't see him again anyway. My impulse decision to friend him led to us texting, and meeting up for coffee. I instantly connected with him, and we laughed and talked for 2 hours. He left school the next day, and texted me, "Yo, I'm on my way back to Mass. Thanks for brightening up my finals week :)". I was pretty disappointed, because I knew nothing would happen since I wouldn't see him again, and it made me wish I had done something sooner.
Everyone struggles with acceptance. Whether it's trivial or big, it doesn't always come easily to us. It took me nearly a year to get over this guy who broke my heart, because I grew too comfortable with him. I'm still trying to accept that I am transferring, and won't see my best friends everyday, or room with them again. I wish I could replay the entire year again, and spend more time with them. I'm forever grateful to have met them, and love them dearly. I wish I stepped out of my comfort zone more. The reason I got to meet this guy at the end of the year was because I decided to do something I usually never do. And it worked for the better. And now it's too late because I won't see him again, but it made me realize I need to start being more confident. There are so many things I don't do out of fear, which is something I can change. With my junior year done, and the realization I am now a senior about to graduate college, I hope that I can carry this lesson with me through my final chapter of school.