I was completely shocked in the first days and weeks right after my aunts passing since I could of never expected it to happen. Its been incredibly difficult to think about why my aunt passed away from anorexia nervosa as well as not knowing about my aunts medical situation until I was told the whole story on the day she was taken off life support. Its been painful to talk about it with anyone besides my parents because this tragedy has by far been the hardest thing to deal with.

There have been nights where I can’t help but cry because of how badly I feel for my 17 year old cousin and how unexpected this tragedy was for her to deal with at this point in her life. My biggest hope for my 17 year old cousin is that she has the opportunity to attend a college in California for dance.

I also feel saddened for my uncle, grandparents and the other relatives that live in New York because they had to see the demise day in and out. I wish my family and I could of had the chance to have more notice about my aunts health and to try to get through in preventing this from happening.

I immediately felt a lot of added pressure about college after my aunts passing because I never had a relative looking down on me before this summer as well as feeling the pressure of not disappointing or messing up my grades because I don’t feel like a failure to my aunt or anyone else if I disappoint. I was heartbroken that I couldn’t of said goodbye to my aunt before she passed away since the last time i saw my aunt and the rest of family was 2012.

Other crucial things I’ve learned while dealing with this tragedy is that “Gods grace will always be sufficient for my family and I” as well as being blessed to go to such a great school knowing not everyone will get the opportunity to go to college and get an education that will set themselves up for the rest of their life.

This experience has also made me prioritize being more confident and faithful because it’s hard to do well in college if you don’t have faith in your abilities as well as knowing a lack of confidence was a big reason my aunt passed away. I appreciate everything my aunt did for my family and I and I will not disappoint my aunt or anyone else while I’m at CNU.