Everyone deals with death in their own way. Some people grieve for a few days, some for a few weeks or months, and some for years. Others, just accept the fact that it's over, and they find peace within it. However, death is death, and it still sucks. Lots of people die each day for many different reasons. Car accidents, suicides, illnesses, and domestic violence are just a few of the ways people die each day. The one affecting thousands of people world-wide, however, is cancer.
My aunt was diagnosed with cancer over a decade ago. She was my second youngest aunt, so it was a huge shock that something like this was taking over her world. Each cancer patient is different, but man, my aunt was my absolute hero. I watched her struggle to sit up some days, as she winced with pain, yet she would flash a smile anytime she saw one of her nieces. She didn't want us to see her in pain, even though we were very much aware of what was happening.
Having a person with cancer in the family, you're constantly in and out of hospitals. Whether it's chemotherapy, or something pain related, or they have an infection, the list goes on. I have a new found appreciation for doctors and nurses, because let me tell you, I have never seen a team of doctors and nurses work that hard to make someone feel comfortable at least, before they try to fix the problem. For the longest time, I was very angry at the hospital staff that treated my aunt. I was in a state of anger, (which tends to happen to some people after they lose someone), and wanted to blame someone on her not making it. They were the easy targets. I wanted to scream and yell at them, for not doing enough, or what seemed like enough in my mind. There were plenty of people who survived cancer, how come she didn't? I lived with that thought for a long time.
As much as I wanted to feel guilty, as much as I wanted someone so desperately to blame, I knew it was wrong. It wasn't the doctor's fault, and the nurses did everything that they could. As much as I wanted someone to hold me and say it'll be okay, I wanted to cry alone in a corner and be left alone for a while. I know cancer affects so many people a day, I just never thought it would affect someone so close to me.
But here I am, a year and three months after my aunt's passing, and I have finally found peace. Like I mentioned earlier, each person grieves differently. One thing I've learned dealing with grief is to not shut people out. When you're upset, it's easy to shut people out and to want to be alone, but that's the last thing you need to do. Speaking out to your friends and famly is a great way to feel a lot better about the situation. As much as I wish I could still be with my aunt, I know that she is not in pain anymore. For anyone who has lost someone to cancer, you understand. The pain that they were put through by chemotherapy and endless surgeries was too much for anyone to handle.
Of course there will be bad days, there always are. You just feel sad for no reason looking back at it, and it'll suck. You can only go up from here, and cherish every memory you had. All in all, I think it's safe to say that cancer is a b*tch.
