For as long as I could recognize the work of my brain in connection me to the world, there has never been a lull in my emotions. For as long as I can remember, I have never known gray; it has always been blindingly white or excruciatingly black. For a long time, this scared me. I didn't know why my brain seemed to work in free verse poems or why every situation, painful or heartwarming, struck me somewhere so deep that the feelings in my chest were so big that I thought I might burst one day. I was afraid to be the most compassionate, the most sad, the "most" anything. I wanted to feel normal, even if that meant feeling muted. I didn't want to be the one to give my heart and soul in all of my relationships; I wanted these feelings to be reciprocated just as deeply. I wanted to be understood; I wanted to be able to relate to people. I often wondered if this aura about me was a blessing or a curse, and held internal struggle regarding my (what I affectionately refer to as) "extremes."
As I have come to find out who I am, a journey sculpted by an uncountable and unthinkable amount of factors, I now am a firm believer that nothing magnificent ever came out of only putting half of your heart into it. My life purpose became clear when I began embracing my capability to internalize emotions to the extent that I am able to.
I now know that to be a person of extremes means to be able to formulate creative and rich pieces of art that touch those like me, as well as those that need a little help to know just what they are feeling. I now know that, to have a profound sense of compassion and empathy, a sense of connection to all that is and all that feels, comes both from external and internal stimuli that illicit my core-deep responses. Everything made much more sense when I realized that muting feelings is a major roadblock to emotional recovery, as well as a restraint to the immense influence that I could be if I let the way that I was meant to be be free-flowing.
To be a person of extremes means loving everyone in my life deeper than they ever thought imaginable, giving them someone to connect with and be attuned to. Everything made much more sense when I realized that the greatest disservice I could do to myself is to numb and overlook my deep-rooted emotions. To be a deep feeler not only affects my relationships with myself and others, but my goals and work ethics as well. It has pushed me to seek out nothing but the very "most" that I was once so afraid of.
With that said, to my other deep feelers that may feel compelled to squander their fierce sentiments, I challenge you not to. To my other deep feelers, please, for the sake of everyone that you can touch with your abilities, whatever it is that you do; don't just to do it right, do it extraordinarily. Allow yourself to truly and fully feel. Ride out the crushing waves of pain, welcome the light that emits from your jubilance with open arms and an open heart. Most importantly, don't apologize for a damn thing. You will save the world.
