Skinny. Never something I did or ever will consider myself. Except I wouldn't consider myself fat either. Nowadays you see so many magazines covers with society's idea of "skinny." You stare at them and wonder what it would be like to look like that. You stare at yourself in the mirror wondering where you went wrong. Why wasn't I given fast metabolism? Why do I love food and trying new food so much? Why can't I just be a size two?

You make sure all of your shirts are loose. You never want tight clothing because it will just show that you aren't skinny. Shopping is so stressful because you try on something and it doesn't look like you wanted it to. You stare in the dressing room mirror so frustrated because you know that if you were thinner it would look so pretty.

Being the "not skinny" friend is also extremely frustrating. All though deep down you know they don't care, you are always feeling judged by your friends. Feeling insecure because you wish that just for one day you could be in the skin of a skinny person. You think every day what it would be like to not have to pull your pants up every five steps or what it would be like to wear a cute shirt and show a little skin. You make sure you are always wearing a cardigan or jacket in school because you need the side of your body to be somewhat hidden.

Although, you know your friends are trying to help you feel better, hearing "Oh no, you are skinny," just does not help. You wish it were true, but it isn't. You often find yourself online or on Pinterest looking up things to help you lose a few pounds, but it never works. You try to force yourself to workout, but you don't see anything changing, so you stop.

At the beach, you always make an effort to try to hide your stomach. If you are at the beach with friends you try to be the one behind the camera. When taking a group picture you try to either be in the back where no one can see you or in the middle where you can try to stretch your arms to get your stomach to go in a little.

You have a back and forth battle with yourself with trying to convince yourself you're fine the way you are and stop watching Netflix and go out for a run.

You sometimes face the hard reality that you cannot do the same things as skinny girls. Your body doesn't move the same way, crossing your legs gets painful after a few minutes and at any school dance they will look better.

The worst thing of it all is having people tell you what to eat, how to exercise and saying "Just get out and do it. You will look better and feel better about yourself.” Even though this sounds nice and even helpful, it honestly does not help. Not being the skinny girl is already enough, I don't need to hear anything I've probably already thought.

So what is it really like not being the "skinny" girl?

It is frustrating, sometimes it gets to be too much in your head and sometimes drives you off the wall. You feel insecure and are always looking for ways to change your body or make your body look "skinnier." The covers of the magazines and your friends are constant reminders of who you wish you could be. You look at the skinny girls in awe and jealousy because you constantly think what it would be like to be the skinny girl for once. But at the end of the day, you are who you are and it has helped you through many things. My not so skinny body is the body I have, so I choose to keep going through life trying to be happy with what I have.