20 years. How did they pass so quickly? It feels like just yesterday I was starting elementary school. I can remember the first day of middle school, what my classroom looked like. I remember spending summers in Virginia and Tennessee at my grandparents houses. Starting high school and wishing that those four years would fly by, not realizing how much I would miss them until they were over. And then came college, the time that everyone dreams about, but I'm two years into and don't know where the time has gone. I feel like I was made to grow up over night, even though I knew I would eventually have to.
Growing up is a strange thing to do if you really think about it. Everyone goes there own separate routes, chooses their own paths. Everyone grows up in different ways, but everyone grows up. For me it was college, for some of my friends it was getting married and starting a family (yes, at 18, 19, and 20 years old), others chose the military or some sort of service or job, some don't do anything.
Seeing your friends grow up and get older is one thing, but watching your family go through it is a whole different scenario. I am one of the oldest grandchildren in my family, so I have seen a lot of growing up from my cousins and my siblings. I have also watched the adults of the family get older. Watching people younger than you grow up turns you into that one aunt or uncle at the family reunions that is like, "How's school?... How old are you again?... I remember when you were born, it seems like just yesterday." One day your the the tallest, and the next day your cousin who is five years younger than you is five inches taller than you.
But one of the hardest parts about growing up is watching your parents and your grandparents get older. I first started thinking about the adults around me getting older when I was a junior in high school. My dad had a double pulmonary embolism and had to be hospitalized for a week. The doctor did not know how he was still alive, as this is commonly referred to as a widow maker, being extremely fast and not easy to catch before it is too late. I started paying more attention then. To me my grandparents were always old, that is just because they were older than me, but I learned that they were actually pretty young compared to all of my friends grandparents. They have always had health issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, gout, asthma, you know, "old people" things, little did I know those were the small things.
This past year and a half, two years has been especially trying when it comes to my grandparents. My papaw (dad's father) got diagnosed with prostate cancer and had his prostate removed. He had already had a kidney taken out because of a tumor and had triple bypass open heart surgery when I was in middle and high school. This past summer, while I was living with him and my mammaw in Florida, he was diagnosed with Parkinsonism, a variation Parkinson's Disease, that caused him to not really be able to use his left side. Now it is pretty much full blown Parkinson's. My grandma (my mom's mother) starting having trouble remembering things and having issues with anxiety. Just this past week we found out that she has been officially diagnosed with dementia. It runs in the women of her family. Her mom had it, her older sisters had it, and now she has it. My mammaw (my dad's mother) has just been wearing herself ragged worrying about everyone else that she hardly takes time to worry about herself. She has heart and lung problems that sometimes cause her to have to sit down and take a break, making it hard for her to function like she normally does. Within the past few months, my grandpa (my mom's father) was also diagnosed with prostate cancer and had his prostate removed a few weeks ago.
It has been very different for me having to face the facts that my grandparents are getting older. They are no longer the people I grew up being around. They cannot do the same activities as they used to. My mammaw loves to garden, but she can hardly do it by herself anymore, especially rake the leaves in her yard. My grandma was this spunky, sassy woman, but now she can hardly remember where she put her pillow. My papaw was a preacher the entire time I was growing up and even after he retired he still taught Sunday School and led the senior adults. He officially retired from everything this past year. My grandpa loves to play golf and go pickin' and grinnin', but now he has to worry about healing himself and taking care of my grandma.
I hate to admit it, but I know that soon I will have to say goodbye to them. A forever goodbye that really scares me, but that is what you have to face the older you get. Growing up is really about facing the hard things in life and not being afraid to admit you are scared.
