You've all heard the quote by Kyoko Escamilla, "Your 20s are your selfish years." But so often, the meaning of this quote gets misconstrued. Being in your 20s is not an excuse to stop doing whatever you don't want to do. Unfortunately, most of us still must work, or go to school, or do monotonous tasks like vacuum once a week. The good news is, that's not what being 'selfish' is all about. In this sense, having your 20s be your 'selfish years' is about doing everything you can to grow as a person, and taking the time to really focus on your own happiness.
Growing up, we are constantly trying to please the other people in our lives. This puts a tremendous amount of stress on us, whether it's our family, our friends, or our significant others that we are trying to please.
When we spend all of our energy trying to make everyone else happy, we often find ourselves neglecting our own wants and needs.
Now this isn't to say that we should stop caring about other people. Of course it matters what our parents, friends, and significant others' think. These are some of the people who know us the best, and usually, they can give great advice and insight about our lives. However, sometimes the relationships that we have grown up cultivating end up changing in ways that no longer work in our lives.
As tough as it may be, putting yourself first sometimes requires ending relationships that are no longer helping you grow. This can be one of the toughest things to do, but we owe it to ourselves to find our own happiness and our own way in life. Part of growing up is resolving conflict with grace, and realizing that some people are not meant to stay in each others' lives forever.
Putting yourself first means making tough calls in the present that you know will improve your life in the future.
Sometimes this means transferring out of the school you originally chose. If you're in love with the nightlife but not the education, you may have to make the tough call to transfer into the unknown. You may lose touch with the people who helped you survive your freshman year. You may miss certain aspects of your campus, but you should use your 20s to better your life for your future self. It's easy to worry that your friends or your parents may not understand why you have changed your mind. This is what it means to be selfish in your 20s-- ultimately trusting yourself to make your own decisions. If the fit isn't right, it isn't right.
Your parents, siblings, friends, professors, bosses, and others all know you on different levels. The side of you that shines in the company of your family is most likely separate from the side of you that shows when you're with your friends. This is why you must be 'selfish' in your 20s. These people in your life, the important ones, each know a different piece of you.
Only you know your whole self, and therefore only you know what decisions will help you grow and succeed in the long run.
Do not fall into the trap of thinking that your 20s are the years you can screw off with no consequences. That's not what 'being selfish' in your 20s means. It means that you have to learn to trust yourself, even with especially with the big decisions. So, this is putting yourself first. This is recognizing that your 20s matter. This is scary, this is intimidating, this is wonderfully freeing, and this is the greatest thing we have experienced yet.
