As a 23-year-old young woman, it’s hard for me to know what love really is. Sure, I’ve had my go around in the dating world and thought I was in love, but I learned about a year too late that love is definitely not what I felt. It’s funny how the honeymoon stage can make you fall head over heels, and once it wears off and true colors show, you have to ask yourself if you had been intoxicated the entire first 6 months of your relationship. If anything, past relationships teach you what things you want and what things you don’t want in future relationships.

My parents’ marriage is high up on a pedestal. 26 and a half years later and they still are so in love it’s almost disgusting. I know that their relationship is not perfect, but as a child, any problems they might have ever had were kept behind closed doors. My brother and I grew up in a loving, caring, one unit family that is so rare these days and we are very fortunate. I look up to them more than anything, and I hope to have what they have one day.

What I’ve learned from past relationships is that love is NOT when he tells you not to wear certain things because he thinks you’re trying to impress other people. That is someone looking to control you. Love is NOT when he constantly blows up your phone to see where you are and what you’re doing at any given second. Being overbearing and “protective” might seem cute at first, but it’s really just a red flag to the start of something very unhealthy.

Another thing I’ve learned from my past failed attempts at love is that you can’t settle just because you want to have a sense of security that someone is there. If I had settled I would still be stuck in a relationship that didn’t allow me to be myself. Be with someone who allows you to sing in their truck even if you can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Be with someone who likes to take you out and make you feel beautiful, but also doesn’t mind staying in and binge watching shows on Netflix. Be with someone who supports your career and dreams and makes you want to be a better person. Be with someone who won’t make you question what love is.