I'm on an ongoing journal challenge of which this is the second entry. The challenge is to write on 50 prompts that allow you to get to know yourself. I chose to do it because not only is it a great writing practice, but also by documenting and publishing it I can easily look back on the thoughts and how they've morphed in time.
I love coming across the stuff I wrote when I was younger, they always seem soo dramatic and insightful at the same time. I felt proud looking back to see I was such an introspective eleven years old.
That was almost two decades ago and I don't feel like much has changed. I remember being around eight or nine and singing with my mom. She said I had a nice voice, and it's like I lightning bolt went off in my head. I had to sing, forever and for the future.
Which was strange because until then, I wanted to be the same as nearly everyone else in my family and become a doctor. It felt right, it's a noble job and let's face it there's an allure that comes from being called Doctor.
But all that went out the window the day I realized singing was a possibility. I've held on to that dream for as long as I can remember. All throughout middle and high school I was content with doing just well enough to pass or perform without completely checking out.
Quietly and confidently I held on to that dream until the day I could finally be on my own to pursue it. While I was doing that I got caught in one of the greatest fallacies creatives get told. Learn something practical while working on, or worst yet until you're successful enough to live the dream.
The reason I fell for that lie is that that's what adults tell children, it's what dreamers keep believing and what quitters prove. I'm sure you came across one of Will Smith's inspirational videos before, if not... Hello, where have you been? But he mentioned that
"there's no such thing as plan B, every moment spent working on plan B is a distraction from plan A".
Building something, anything takes time and effort and most likely failure. So the only equalizer between those who succeed and those who fail is quitting.
Even worst is what follows, regret. That sickening feeling that blends with lost time to damp your spirit with haunting abandon. Regret doesn't easily go away, I know because I've been dealing with it for quite some time. Thinking about all the time I spent not practicing and learning music.
All the resources I spent working on plan B in hopes to create the opportunity to live the dream. Well turns out I was wrong, wrong because it's hard and discouraging working towards something that seems right based on other people's perspective. Along the way, you might not realize how far off-course you've gone.
Safe to say my dream has changed or grown should I say. I think as children we don't often get told how that dreams can grow with us. They may flourish and multiply or change completely based on our experiences. What once seemed far and unattainable becomes just one of a laundry list of tasks to be crossed off one by one.
So I guess running a laundromat for a bit might scratch the itch. 🤷♀️