What Happens When You Lose Motivation?

What Happens When You Lose Motivation?

It seems like an endless cycle.

Having the motivation and drive to get through anything is a very cherished feeling, something that I cling onto when it comes to participating in the hobbies that I actually love doing. Of course, things don't always work out the way I want them to and sometimes there comes a point in my life where I might not be able to do these things to my full pleasure. The reasoning for suddenly dropping projects I've been working on, video games I've been playing, and even books I've started reading are unknown.

However, I do know that I'm not the only one and these steps in recovery are not easy ones.

Losing motivation and interest in activities that I love doing really puts a damper on my mood. Why is it that I do these things, I mean, isn't it sort of ironic that I avoid the things that make me happy when I reach my lowest points? It's actually not as complex as I make it out to be. In the simplest way I can explain it, sometimes I get too sad to enjoy my favorite hobbies. I'm not willingly doing this, I don't want to actually lose interest in things I love to do, but unfortunately it's a side-effect of dealing with my mental illness.

Basically I go through a really slow and begrudging process when I can actually feel myself losing interest. First I start to feel like I have no time to do any of the things I like considering I have so much to do for schoolwork, so I make up excuses and hold off on my hobbies to make room for homework and studying. Then, after I actually do somehow manage to accomplish my schoolwork and I have free time, I tend to stare at everything that's readily available for me to tamper with to my heart's content, but something in me just doesn't have the motivation to get up and do anything. In fact, I find it much nicer lying down in my bed and wondering why I'm not doing any of these things. Time begins to feel like it's passing by slowly and everything becomes a big blur. It feels darker no matter how bright it might be and even colder too. It's kind of sad, really, that this keeps happening to me no matter what I try to do.

Of course I'm obviously not just going to sit around all day trying to figure these things out, but don't even get me started all those "inspirational" quotes and people telling me to just do the best I can and I'll eventually be able to do so many great things. Here's the thing about all that though, gaining motivation is never an easy thing that can be solved with a few inspirational quotes or someone telling me to get over it. They say it gets better, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it's going to when you're living in those moments of agony. But It's a slow process trying to feel better in a lot of different ways and it's not something that's going to change over night. Even if I do something big to change anything about my outlook or behavior, it's going to take some time to actually work.

The best way for me to get some motivation again to do the things I love is going one step at a time, self-reflecting, and hoping that my words can touch others as well.

One of the biggest things I need to do in this process is to remind myself that it's okay, that even if it takes me hours or days to work up the effort in doing something I love, it's okay because it's going to be worth it. You don't have to push yourself so hard and not every moment is going to be enjoyable, but it's still a gentle reminder that you're living. The next step, though it might take some self-convincing, is actually grabbing whatever you've been holding off on for months now and at least getting through a small percentage of it. Take, for example, the video games I play. It's been months, maybe even years, since I've started a few of my games and I have yet to beat any of them. However, I've recently sat down and actually started playing. Granted, the only reason why I have is because of the special demo for the new Pokémon game coming out soon, but nevertheless it was my drive to actually play something. And you know what? It actually worked and I've been finding it easier actually playing games again. Heck, I'm even making progress in the longer games.

I know it may be hard to feel like wanting to do enjoyable things again and maybe you might feel like it's too much work or there's a lot of pressure on you. However, there's just one last thing I want you to know if you're struggling through something like this right now: don't worry about it. That advice probably seems a little weird coming from the girl with severe anxiety who always worries about everything, huh? But trust me when I say this, don't worry it, specifically don't worry about what other people may think through this process of recovery. You may come across people who will call you lazy or even criticize you because of your behavior, but it's best not to let them get to you.

I only say and write these things because others might not understand what you're going through, but I do understand. I know what it's like to suddenly feel like nothing is ever going to be okay. I know what it feels like when everything you love starts feeling like a burden or an obligation.To everyone struggling right now, your feelings are valid and it's going to be okay.

Just do me a favor and hang in there, alright?

Cover Image Credit: pixabay

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.


So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?



Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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What Rescuing a Dog Taught Me About My Future

She was a real pain to begin with, but I wouldn't give her up for the world now.


My first dog came from a breeder to us when he was just a puppy. I was in third grade so we were both young together. I remember stepping off of the bus and seeing him curled up in my mom's arms. His breed, a Cavalier King Charles, is a highly sought after dog for their small size and beautiful markings. However, dog breeding can lead to medical complications down the line. Heart murmurs are very frequent as cavaliers get older. When he turned 9 years old, they were already detecting the beginning of a heart murmur in him. But my second dog didn't come to us in quite the same way.

Willow was about a year old. She was rescued from an abusive home where she had to fight for her food from many other dogs. This made her guard resources and distrustful of us. My mom and I begged the rest of our family for the ability to adopt her, and they finally agreed. Being not potty trained, we had to teach her with a lot of positive encouragement when she went pee in the right place (not our carpet). It took her a while to realize that we weren't going to take her food away and she gradually became less resource guarding. She started to trust my other dog more and play with him. A lot of the time, they even snuggle together now.

At the time, I was in my junior year of high school and still thinking about the idea of becoming a veterinarian. She helped me decide to go for it, and now I'm in college and getting ready to apply for veterinary school. Willow has become part of our family, and her funny and unique personality fit right in with us.

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