Having the motivation and drive to get through anything is a very cherished feeling, something that I cling onto when it comes to participating in the hobbies that I actually love doing. Of course, things don't always work out the way I want them to and sometimes there comes a point in my life where I might not be able to do these things to my full pleasure. The reasoning for suddenly dropping projects I've been working on, video games I've been playing, and even books I've started reading are unknown.
However, I do know that I'm not the only one and these steps in recovery are not easy ones.
Losing motivation and interest in activities that I love doing really puts a damper on my mood. Why is it that I do these things, I mean, isn't it sort of ironic that I avoid the things that make me happy when I reach my lowest points? It's actually not as complex as I make it out to be. In the simplest way I can explain it, sometimes I get too sad to enjoy my favorite hobbies. I'm not willingly doing this, I don't want to actually lose interest in things I love to do, but unfortunately it's a side-effect of dealing with my mental illness.
Basically I go through a really slow and begrudging process when I can actually feel myself losing interest. First I start to feel like I have no time to do any of the things I like considering I have so much to do for schoolwork, so I make up excuses and hold off on my hobbies to make room for homework and studying. Then, after I actually do somehow manage to accomplish my schoolwork and I have free time, I tend to stare at everything that's readily available for me to tamper with to my heart's content, but something in me just doesn't have the motivation to get up and do anything. In fact, I find it much nicer lying down in my bed and wondering why I'm not doing any of these things. Time begins to feel like it's passing by slowly and everything becomes a big blur. It feels darker no matter how bright it might be and even colder too. It's kind of sad, really, that this keeps happening to me no matter what I try to do.
Of course I'm obviously not just going to sit around all day trying to figure these things out, but don't even get me started all those "inspirational" quotes and people telling me to just do the best I can and I'll eventually be able to do so many great things. Here's the thing about all that though, gaining motivation is never an easy thing that can be solved with a few inspirational quotes or someone telling me to get over it. They say it gets better, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it's going to when you're living in those moments of agony. But It's a slow process trying to feel better in a lot of different ways and it's not something that's going to change over night. Even if I do something big to change anything about my outlook or behavior, it's going to take some time to actually work.
The best way for me to get some motivation again to do the things I love is going one step at a time, self-reflecting, and hoping that my words can touch others as well.
One of the biggest things I need to do in this process is to remind myself that it's okay, that even if it takes me hours or days to work up the effort in doing something I love, it's okay because it's going to be worth it. You don't have to push yourself so hard and not every moment is going to be enjoyable, but it's still a gentle reminder that you're living. The next step, though it might take some self-convincing, is actually grabbing whatever you've been holding off on for months now and at least getting through a small percentage of it. Take, for example, the video games I play. It's been months, maybe even years, since I've started a few of my games and I have yet to beat any of them. However, I've recently sat down and actually started playing. Granted, the only reason why I have is because of the special demo for the new Pokémon game coming out soon, but nevertheless it was my drive to actually play something. And you know what? It actually worked and I've been finding it easier actually playing games again. Heck, I'm even making progress in the longer games.
I know it may be hard to feel like wanting to do enjoyable things again and maybe you might feel like it's too much work or there's a lot of pressure on you. However, there's just one last thing I want you to know if you're struggling through something like this right now: don't worry about it. That advice probably seems a little weird coming from the girl with severe anxiety who always worries about everything, huh? But trust me when I say this, don't worry it, specifically don't worry about what other people may think through this process of recovery. You may come across people who will call you lazy or even criticize you because of your behavior, but it's best not to let them get to you.
I only say and write these things because others might not understand what you're going through, but I do understand. I know what it's like to suddenly feel like nothing is ever going to be okay. I know what it feels like when everything you love starts feeling like a burden or an obligation.To everyone struggling right now, your feelings are valid and it's going to be okay.
Just do me a favor and hang in there, alright?
