I’ve always had a plan. I always knew what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, how to get there and how to prepare myself for it. I’m what you call a planner.
Everything was great and going according to plan, until it wasn’t. The one thing I didn’t plan for was something I never thought would ever happen... I changed my mind.
Long story short, for the last seven years of my life I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon. I was going to go to college, then med school and, after that, my residency. I was then going to get married, have a couple of kids while still working full-time as a doctor, but these things would need to come after and only after I was already established and in a stable job. Then maybe around 70 or 80, I could retire, and my life could actually slow down a little bit.
I was always bragged about for this. If you asked my family anything about me, they would for sure somehow fit in that I was the “aspiring doctor” of the family and that one day I would make them all proud (and maybe fix all of their ailments too!).
This all changed about three months ago. I don’t know how or why I decided this isn’t what I wanted to do with my life, I just did. I changed just like that. I kept it to myself for a while, and then slowly told the people I trust, until I finally got up the courage to tell my dad, who was probably the one who encouraged me and counted on me being a doctor the most. (Sorry Dad!) He took the news better than I thought he would, but he may still be in denial.
So, here I am, for the first time in my life, without a plan. I keep asking myself the infamous question we were always asked as kids in kindergarten: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” But what if I am already “grown up?" Is this question still relevant for me? I should know what I want to be and where I am going, but I’m stuck here again asking myself that same question.
I say yes! We are never too old to start over, make a new plan and figure things out for ourselves. I want to make a life worth living, one that makes me happy and one that I actually want to live. I am the youngest I’ll ever be and the oldest and wisest I have ever been, so why not?
It feels absolutely crazy that for the first time in my whole life I am sitting here without a plan and I actually feel like I am exactly where I need to be. I have prayed and prayed about this. I trust that God has a plan for my life more glorious and amazing than I could ever even begin to plan for and that right now, me not necessarily having a plan is actually a part of the plan he has for my life. One day I will look back on this part of my life, when I didn’t know where I was going or what my plan was and realize that this had to happen for all the puzzle pieces to fit together exactly the way they need to fit.
So the only plan I have for my life right now is trusting that God will point me in the right direction of whatever He wants from me and what He wants my life to look like. I am perfectly content with that. So maybe, just maybe, I have a plan.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11
