Throughout my life, I have never been sure about my feelings towards my Judaism. Growing up in an almost entirely Christian town, when I was younger, I knew it meant that during the holiday season in school I’d be making Happy Hannukah cards instead of Merry Christmas cards, and learning all of the words to Jingle Bells and Santa Claus is Coming to Town before any of the candle lighting prayers. My mother encouraged me to go to sleep-away camp and, as I got older, participate in a Jewish Youth Organization in order to feel more of a connection to the Jewish religion.
In camp, nothing about what occurred there ever made me feel differently about my Judaism. I loved trying new activities and hanging out with my friends, but it felt the same as being with my friends at home. I began to question whether or not I truly felt Jewish and what it added to my life. When I joined the Jewish Youth Organization, I strangely felt very out of place. I would constantly hear from older members about how life-changing it was and how they felt like they finally found their Jewish identity, but still I couldn’t seem to find it for myself.
Reluctantly, I decided I wanted to go on Birthright, a 10 day, free trip to Israel for Jewish teenagers who have never been there to experience it. I knew that a bunch of my sorority sisters were going as well and I asked myself who would say no to a free vacation to Israel. In the months leading up to my trip, I kept hearing stories about how going to Israel changed people’s perspectives and how some people even decided to make Aliyah and uproot their entire lives to move there. Immediately, I thought it’d just be another thing I tried to participate in that wouldn’t connect me to my religion.
When I arrived in Israel, I was ridiculously jet-lagged, closed minded and overall just not in the mood to see anything other than the inside of my eyelids. It was a very long, hot day in a completely unfamiliar place. The next morning, however, after an average amount of sleep in a tiny twin bed, I felt refreshed and ready to make the most out of the experience. Being the outgoing girl I am, I was excited to at the least make some new friends while I was there. We saw some pretty amazing things that day, and I learned so much information about the country I had only heard about in Hebrew School.
I took it all in and marveled at the beauty of everything around me, but it wasn’t until the first conversation we had as a bus that I truly felt that this was going to be different than anything I’d ever experienced. I finally got to speak about what I had always felt about my Judaism, and much to my surprise, there were others who had felt equally uncomfortable and out of place. I had never developed such a connection to such a large group of people so quickly.
After that conversation, I fully immersed myself in the experience. I tried to only use my phone to tell my mom that I was still in fact alive and to take a billion photographs of all there was to see around me. I got to hike through the very Jurassic Park-esque Golan Heights and walk through the bustling streets of Tel Aviv. The day finally arrived that we were going to drive to the desert and sleep in a Bedouin tent. I was feeling extremely apprehensive as a girl who doesn’t do well in nature but tried to suppress my feelings as much as possible. It’s ironic to me that that night ended up being my favorite night of the entire trip.
My new friends and I walked out into the middle of the desert in the dark and had a conversation about wrestling with our belief in God. It was an indescribable experience, looking around and seeing absolutely nothing but space and the immaculate sand that seemed to go on forever in every direction. I felt a different connection to what each person shared and found myself questioning my previous beliefs based on other people’s stories. It’s a night that I surely will never forget.
The next day, we ascended Masada to witness a beautiful sunrise, one that I couldn’t remotely capture the beauty of in a photograph. I was handed the Israel flag that my bus coordinators brought with us and took what would become my favorite picture of the trip. I finally felt comfortable enough to hold that flag, a feeling that would only elevate as we continued our journey to Jerusalem.
I distinctly remember the moment we entered The Holy City. Almost everyone was completely worn out, and many members of my bus were asleep for the ride. As we entered a dimly lit tunnel, my inspiring tour guide said words that would resonate with me for the rest of the trip: “Welcome to my home.” As Jerusalem came into view, goosebumps formed on my arms, and I was completely overwhelmed by a sea of pristine white stone and a brilliant gold dome in the center of the beautiful city I would now be privileged enough to enter. We went to a ceremony celebrating our arrival in the magical city that involved all of us dancing around together with our new Israeli friends. It was the first time that I felt a blossoming sense of pride to be Jewish.
My experience in Israel didn’t change the way I practice my religion and It didn’t make me want to move out of my comfortable life in America, but it did something more than that for me. Israel has given me a home away from home, and the amazing 44 other people I experienced it with have given me pride in my religious beliefs, and a sense of happiness when now telling other people that I am Jewish. For those reasons and many more, I will forever be grateful for what Birthright has done for me.
