When going to college, there really isn't a handbook to guide you through making the next four years picture-perfect. You get dropped off on that first day, unpack your bags, and watch your families or friends drive away. You take a second to breathe in and think, "Wow, it's just me now." When attending school, it's a rare occurrence where you see someone who is outgoing enough to approach someone who they are interested in, let alone to approach someone who they want to be friends with. This doesn't apply to everyone, though. I was the girl who sat back and watched the few friends who I had go on to make better friends so that I could stay in and try to live a life that was 300 miles away and two months too late.
College is a whirl-wind. It's different from what I ever expected. The one thing that always confused me was how uncomfortable it becomes to talk to someone who you're clearly interested in. Between the mixed signals from every form of communication, whether it is the like on your Insta pic, reading your text and never answering, or even just the awkward stares in the campus center, how are we supposed to figure out how to approach the uncomfortable conversation of the dating scheme? It becomes so unnecessarily complicated so quickly. What causes this? Is it the inability to hold a conversation or just the typical behavior of a college student who can't commit?
When you're trying to figure out what you want in someone, how do we determine what we are looking for in a potential partner? In college, it becomes more common that people are looking for more of an intimate kind of a relationship, but, in many cases, something prevents that next step.
The answer is school itself, believe it or not. In most cases, we see that people who are our age become really focused on our academics. If not, we are focusing on forming connections with the people around us in order to build upon what we would like to do for the rest of our lives. There is so much pressure that comes with college that no one ever wants to talk about. "It's the best time of your life, so enjoy it while you can," says every person who has ever attended college, but let's get down to the roots. A majority of the students who attend my college live in this area (whether it is on campus housing, the apartments, or even downtown) and they are expected to become independent in an attempt to "come into your own," socially flourish, get good grades, join clubs and organizations to help build a resume, and, in some cases, have a job or internship lined up and ready to go by the time that you graduate. Let's sprinkle in a romantic relationship now, something that requires a different kind of attention than what we are already dedicating the little time that we have left for ourselves with. (I mean, we barely even get to sleep between pulling all-nighters to study and/or read.)
The real part of relationships that both parties have to be willing to mutually agree on is, "Do you fit into my schedule?" This may sound really terrible, but it's the sad reality that comes with being in college. If you do not have a particularly busy schedule, then it is a lot easier to begin and even maintain a relationship. When you're beginning to develop feelings for someone who is extremely busy, you are more likely to work around what they have going on in order to get that quality time in and to figure out if they display the characteristics that you hope for in a potential partner.
There are so many variations of relationships to be developed in college. These are the years where we are trying to figure out who we are as independent individuals. We grow with the people who we surround ourselves with, so choose wisely! The expectations that come with college don't have to be so generic, you could be the exception. Just always keep in mind that you go to college to build a life for you!
"There's a time and a place for everything and it's called college."
