Sigue andando el camino per toda su vida
Respira
Y si pierdes mis huellas que dios te bendiga
Respira.
Lately I’ve found myself relating to Nina from "In the Heights" (Hamilton's little bro!) as I struggle to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life. I bet you're thinking, "It's summer, why don't you go float around on a pool float that looks like a donut or something?" But, you see, I am currently employed in the shoe section of a Macy's in Jersey, so instead of lounging on donut floats I crave donuts as I run around in circles finding pricey flip flips for the women who can lounge around on donut floats. While this is fun and all, it's not exactly my dream job. I don't even own a donut float.
Yes, I’m only a junior-to-be in college, so this type of soul-less job is expected. But I can't help but feel the real world creeping up on me-- it feels too close for comfort and I feel incredibly unprepared. While I’m not considering dropping out of school like Nina, I definitely can relate to her stance in the song “Breathe” in that I’m constantly asking myself the question, “what’ll I be?”
No me preocupo por ella
They’re not worried about me
It makes it even harder when everyone around you, those who support you, constantly tell you things like, “you’re going to do great things” or “you’re going places.” Because then it’s like, “oh, now I need to go places,” whatever that means. Cause I mean, I go places all the time. I go to the library. I go to Wegman’s twice a day on a good day. But somehow I don’t think those are the ‘places’ everyone’s insisting I’ll “go”. Heaven knows I wasn't gifted a copy of "Oh, The Places You'll Go! "by 7 relatives who thought it'd be awesome if I spend forever frequenting Wegman's a little too frequently.
My whole life I’ve felt like things are just going to figure themselves out. I’m going to get a job, my ‘dream job’, and I don’t know what it is now because I don’t even know it exists yet. One day it’ll just appear, by chance, like winning the job lottery or something. I’ll be like, “Cool! This is exactly what I was looking for! And I didn’t even look! It just fell form the sky and hit me in the head! Actually that hurt! Ow!”
I realize (for the most part) that my mindset's the product of the blind optimism so many young people just like me are victims of. I realize it's terribly unrealistic for your 'dream job' to tumble out of the sky. But then the part of me that refuses to believe I'm being too optimistic for my own good insists, Nah, you're good. Just listen to the 'In The Heights' soundtrack a few more times and celebrate Taco Tuesday. You probably won't necessarily sit in a cubicle forever, maybe. You'll find your dream job in a fortune cookie or something. Oh, good idea, let's order Chinese.
Maybe my 'dream job' doesn't exist. And that's okay. I'm just absolutely terrified of ending up doing something where I'm not fulfilled. I want to create something—anything—that’s going to make people laugh or cry or search for answers where they didn't even know there were questions.
Lin Manuel Miranda wrote "In the Heights"-- a Tony-award-winning play-- when he was a sophomore in college. The dude is a genius. It actually freaks me out how brilliant he is. Lin, how do you exist? I’m thankful for your existence but how? I'm convinced you immigrated from some planet in an entirely different galaxy that only produces geniuses and really good hair. But I digress. Basically what I'm getting at is, it's good to have role models, but it's also kind of intimidating. It's hard not to compare yourself when there are people who want the same things as you but are seemingly better at getting there.
Everyone tells me I have time. I know, realistically, that’s true, but I don’t feel like I have time. I have loads of time to get from Point A to Point B, sure, but I don't have a clue what Point B is.
Respira.
That’s what keeps me going. Quite literally, “Breathe” from "In The Heights" keeps me going. Nina’s every kid my age who is going through the exact same thing, the daunting question: “What’ll I be?” And that’s a lot of kids. Probably because there’s so much pressure put on being someone. Someone big. Someone important. Someone who makes a difference.
But, as Lin and Nina remind me, “breathe.” I'll find my Point B, or maybe Point B will find me.
Sigue andando el camino per toda su vida
Respira
Y si pierdes mis huellas que dios te bendiga
Respira.
