While this subject may seem a little odd, I truly am a believer in a greater universe and its different meanings and representations. I feel that there is legitimate validity in a deeper presence behind the small coincidences in our lives. I have always had a difficult relationship with G-d, but I feel that there is something out there that I can't explain, and the things that happen to me have meaning behind them that I need to pay attention to.
Recently, I came across a photo that reminded me of a part of my childhood I hadn't thought about in a very long time. The picture was from years ago, but it really got me thinking. It was a shot of me as a young girl, and I'm holding a dragonfly on my hand. I remembered, while looking at the picture, that dragonflies used to land on me all the time. It occurred to me that maybe it was possible these dragonflies weren't just landing on me as frequently as they used to by coincidence, and maybe there was meaning behind them that I needed to find out.
After doing some research, I learned some interesting facts about dragonflies and what they symbolize in different cultures, and while doing so I also learned a lot about myself.
The biggest symbolic feature that stood out to me was that dragonflies represent mental and emotional maturity. That doesn't mean that I am unemotional, in fact, I am probably more emotional than most of my peers, but I gathered what it meant and really took it to heart. I have always been emotional, but I have also always been very in touch with my emotions and have learned to articulate the way I'm feeling, a trait that many people don't have. I can face my emotions, and I don't fear that like so many do. For me, that is a sign of emotional maturity that in my eyes has made me unique as a person.
The other thing that I found out about dragonflies is that they represent a deeper meaning of life. I always wondered why I felt different than other people, and I always criticized myself for getting more sad than other people, and oftentimes more happy as well. All of my emotions are to the most extreme degree, with a wide spectrum of highs and lows. My insecurity that I overthink everything has left me feeling isolated so many time in the past. I just see life differently than a lot of people. I pay attention to detail, I replay things in my head thousands of times, I notice things that other people don't notice.
While my evaluation of myself might come off as conceited or condescending, this is not my intention at all. What people don't realize sometimes is those are all the things I thought were my biggest flaws. Being different, overthinking, being emotional. I couldn't find that sense of validity or the right form of support of help me realize that these things might be good.
After thinking, and thinking some more, I see how much the representations of a dragonfly represents me, and it never occurred to me that when they used to land on me in the front yard of my house, or on moving rafts in rivers during summer vacations, that they might mean so much more to me one day.
I have always loved dragonflies and again, I know it might seem silly, but I have only increased my love for them as they have helped me realize deeper aspects of myself. Learning to accept myself and love the things I might think are flaws has been one of my greatest struggles, but this little insect and its spiritual meaning has given me so much more than I ever thought it would.
