So Emojis, formerly known as emoticons, are everywhere. Ranging from unnaturally circular human faces, to poop, to an array of plant and animal life, to 12 different types of trains.

Seriously, why are there so many trains? Do you need to clarify to your wife exactly which type of train you rode on the way home?

These days, people don’t even need to use words anymore - all they need to do is carefully select some emojis that portray their situation and the receiver automatically knows what they mean.

Or do they?

Turns out, most people are misusing emojis, which can cause some serious communication breakdown. So, it is my civic duty to teach you all what emojis really mean.

Cool dude in glasses? “Deal with it”? No. I’m an FBI agent and your a** is under investigation for being shady AF. Send this emoji to your neighbor to tell them that you’re watching them.

Blushing face? Nope. Don’t send this to your crush. This guy has some major rosacea due to being drunk out of his mind. He will hit on your mom. And your grandma. And you. So maybe you should send it to your crush...

This emoji can be pretty confusing. Is that sweat from his brow? Why is he turning blue? Well, this guy is actually a mountain climber, but unfortunately he got trapped during an epic snowstorm and is dying of hypothermia. A little morbid for emojis, but we’re a jaded society. Stuff like that doesn’t faze us. You should send this emoji to people when you’re either snowed in and want someone to send you pizza, or when you’re trapped on a mountain. And want someone to send you pizza.

I’m harboring Lord Voldemort. Where’s "Harry Potter," I need to kill an 11-year-old boy.

This emoji isn’t feeling goofy - he’s lost all his teeth and his tongue slides out of his mouth involuntarily. Don’t make fun of him. He’s trying his best.

Also, this can also be the human version of Beanz Hart, the most magical Instagram-famous dog.

As a Speech Therapy major, this emoji is my personal favorite. This guy has trouble with voiced fricatives and is practicing his /z/ sound! “Zoo! Zap! Zing!” Good job, dude!

Oh, you thought he was sleeping? Of course not! Dedicated speech therapy clients never sleep while practicing! Send this emoji to all your favorite speechies.

No one is entirely sure what this guy’s about, but let’s just say he got his face suctioned off by the Kraken from "Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest." Do you guys remember that movie? Weird stuff went down in that movie...

This guy is very common when telling funny stories and expressing your joy; however, this emoji is far from happy. Instead of crying from laughing so hard, he’s crying for help. He accidentally locked himself in a Target bathroom and the store is closing in five minutes. Free him.

This emoji looks pretty mad, but he’s actually very content. He just got a new vape pen and he’s loving it! Prepare for him to blow that s**t right in your face, because hey, he’s not really smoking! Send this emoji to someone to tell them they need to back off and stop breathing on you. Or if you want to breathe on them.

Yeah, this guy’s dead.

For my final one, I’d like to share with you my favorite emoji. I call this guy “Dying Of Severe Seasonal Allergies Guy." This poor emoji can’t even step outside without snot coming out of his nose, eyes, ears… Okay, that last one may be a medical emergency. You should send this emoji to me, because this guy is me 100 percent of the time.

I hope you now feel illuminated and can go forth using emojis responsibly. 🙏

Also, none of this was true.

P.S.: Proof.