Birthright is so much more than a free trip to Israel. It’s a chance to discover who you are through self-reflection in Holy Land. It’s a time to connect with new faces and reconnect with God. It’s the experience of a lifetime.

When I finally touched down in Tel Aviv, reality felt too surreal. The trip in its entirety was full of history and sightseeing thanks to my group’s proactive tour guide. Having gone to Hebrew school and taken courses on Judaism in college, I was finally able to put a picture to the names I’ve read so much about. It was incredible and the views were breathtaking but there was still something missing.

A big portion of the trip came from talk sessions after dinner. As a group, we would gather in a circle and reflect on a question. These questions had us reflecting on our Jewish identities. Now, I’m not, and never really was, a very religious person but being on this trip and having seen and done so much opened my eyes. I gained a new respect for my religion as well as the culture. It was comforting to be in a place where everyone celebrated the same holidays. Growing up, I was a minority in that aspect. I had very few Jewish friends. Their way of thinking and believing was far different than mine. During these sessions, I found that everyone in my group felt the same in one way or another. It was then that I no longer felt alone.

One thing, however, that still was bothersome was my lack of connection to the land itself. The trip included a variety of checkpoints all over the country. Iconic places such as Masada and the Dead Sea being amongst the long list of things to do. We had visited the first prime minister of Israel, Ben Gurion’s, grave, Caesarea, Yad Vashem (Israel’s Holocaust memorial), star gazed in the desert, slept in Bedouin tents, rafted down the Jordan River, and even rode camels. It was a lot to take in, a lot to understand, but apparently not enough to grasp spiritually.

By the end of the trip I didn’t feel a connection. I gained a new respect for the religion I was born into but I didn’t feel any connection to God. A moment where a part of me dissolved into the land. Talking to others in my group they recalled a moment where they had. So where was mine? Because here I was, in the Holy land, thousands of miles away from home, visiting some of the oldest places on Earth and I felt…nothing.

I honestly thought something was wrong with me.

Having discussed my troubled thoughts with the rabbi on my trip, he assured me that I wasn’t troubled. People are affected in different ways. I had to think of a time where I experienced something similar to an out of body experience. I narrowed it down to when I go to concerts and see artists who I idolize. I get so into the hype of the crowd that I detach myself from all my worries and problems and just live in the moment. I didn’t need to feel a connection at any particular point on the trip. I just needed to live in the moment and I did.

Birthright was a trip about self-reflection. A time to discover where you stood as a Jewish individual and find out who you are as a person. I learned more about myself in those 10 days then I did over the past 19 years. Yes, I made friends and memories to last a lifetime, but I also learned what it means to be Jewish. And it’s so much more than the presents received on Hanukkah.

If you are Jewish and are able to attend Birthright, do it. You’ll feel more at home than you’ve ever felt before. Regardless of where you stand on the religious spectrum what you experience over there can never be mirrored anywhere else. I guarantee it.