It is so easy to see what my mental illnesses have taken from me and to have a pessimistic outlook on the entire situation. However, I have to accept that bipolar disorder and anxiety have shaped my life for the past few years, in good ways as well. This is a list of all of the positive ways in which mental illnesses have shaped me.

1. New opportunities

My time off of school has allowed me to take on a job as an after school tutor, giving me more experience with children of all ages. At UNC, Rethink Psychiatric Illness let me share my story during a training on mental illness and stigma.

A mental health app (nOCD) approached me and stated that they would be interested in working with me. Sites, from Health Consumer Digest to Love Not Stigma to The Odyssey have been interested in posting my mental illness/health articles. I am so grateful for all of these opportunities to share my writing and advocate for mental health.

2. New passions

In my sophomore year at UNC, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I applied to the CLS (Clinical Lab Science) program as well as the Environmental program in the School of Public Health. I got accepted into both and still did not know what I wanted to choose.

Now, I spend endless hours researching, writing and reading on mental illnesses. I have never been so passionate about a subject. I couldn't imagine my academics or career path not being related to mental health.

3. New Friends

At the hospital, I met many people with various conditions, from classic obsessive-compulsive behaviors to schizophrenia to suicidal depression. There is comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your struggle with mental illnesses. My hypomania pushed me to reconnect with old friends, and now one is once again one of my best friends. I am thankful for my new and old friends, through it all.

4. New Hobbies

Since my first depressive episode, I have spent a lot of time on new hobbies, from photography/photo editing to jewelry-making to drawing to writing/blogging. I love exploring these new hobbies and learning ways to improve in these different activities.

5. New Views

Before having my first bipolar depressive episode, I lived in my own little happy bubble. It was simple and pretty and happy. Now, I know what it is like to have depression so severe that you feel like you can't go on. I know what it is like to have anxiety that makes it nearly impossible to breathe. I know what it is like to have mania so severe that it feels like I am losing my sanity.

I know what it is like to have obsessions so overwhelming that for hours and hours each day my thoughts are consumed by only them. It gives me a new appreciation for all that I have and for those times when I do have good mental health.

Bipolar disorder is an ugly illness, but it is possible to see beauty in the very monster that tries to destroy you.