Growing up the oldest of three, my parents always made the point of making sure I knew how much my sister and brother looked up to me. Because I was their older sister. Because everything they are just beginning to experience I've mastered. Because I was, by birthright, their role model.
At the time, I never questioned their constant reminders. I would just say to myself, “Yep, they're right. I need to make sure everything I do (or at least everything they see me do) makes them strive to be better." Now, however, after living apart from my parents and my siblings for the past two years, they see nothing I am doing, but I hear about everything they are accomplishing. Now, I am the one who is impressed. I am the one who is proud to be their sibling. I am the one who has two amazing role models: my younger sister and my younger brother.
Being outgoing was a quality I always thought I had on lock. Making conversation with strangers is something I actually enjoy, and I have always been known for holding excellent eye contact while meeting parents. But as I have watched my sister grow into the incredible high school senior she is today, I realize that she has me beat. Gab is outspoken in the best sense of the word. If you say “gay," in a derogatory way, she will call you out. If you say that those boys are "playing like girls," she'll ask you exactly what you mean by that. She is not afraid to voice what she believes in whether she is in front of a crowd or only looking at one other person. I have never felt comfortable doing that. I don't think many people do. I also don't think many people have the privilege of saying they even know someone like that.
In my senior year of high school, I took five AP classes, played three varsity sports, was secretary of the National Honors Society, and one of the editors of the school newspaper. While coffee probably had a lot to do with it, I made it through that year, sanity in tow, because I have a pretty solid work ethic and good time management skills. That being said, never did I put in the work it would have taken to shave one minute off of my race time for cross country, nor did I study extra to earn the A, rather than the A minus. But my brother does. On any given day, between the hours of 4 p.m. and 7 p.m., you can find my 15-year-old brother throwing a lacrosse ball against our garage, over and over. And if it gets too cold, he'll go inside the garage. Whatever the word is for the exact opposite of quitter, he is that, through and through. It's the same with academics. Rarely did I ask my peers questions when I had them for fear of being embarrassed or mocked. Jake, however, is shameless. If admitting ignorance is what it takes for him to get an A, he will ask fifteen minutes worth of questions. His dream is to play Division I lacrosse in college. Because he is the most determined, strongest, fearless individual I know, I have no doubt that he will.
Two years ago, it never crossed my mind that as the oldest, I would aspire to be more like my younger siblings. I don't think this registers with a lot of us -- the eldest children. We grow up having only celebrities, like Mia Hamm and Hilary Duff, to look up to. Now that I have grown up a little bit more, I realize that I got to live with my two biggest role models for 18 years of my life. At this point, I am convinced everything I have yet to learn about being a good human being, I will learn from them.
I hope I have been, am, and will be a good role model for Gab and Jake. And I hope they know that, now, I am looking to them to teach me something.
