I'm really sorry, i have a mental health disorder.

An excuse i am afraid to say i give out very often, but i promise it's true. It's a constant challenge living with a disorder like Bipolar. First off, so many people are miss-educated about it in general. Even when somebody says something like:

"Somebody in my family has Bipolar Disorder so i know all about it."

They really do not because they have not LIVED it, and don't say that you have LIVED it because you have LIVED with them. The odds are, if you are saying that to begin with, you really don't understand them.

"2.6% of adults in the U.S. live with bipolar disorder. - See more at: https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-By-t..."

I am writing this article to let people know what it's like to live with Bipolar Disorder to educate them on this matter. You will not "Know all about it" because you do NOT have it, but you will at least be a little more educated, and hopefully less scared.

There are Four Types of Bipolar Disorder:

Bipolar 1

Bipolar 2

Clyclothymic Disorder

Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified

And each is very different from the other.

The first step to understanding what those types are is to understand what Mania is.

What is Mania?

Mania is very hard to describe because everyone experiences it differently. For me? When i'm stuck in mania i get VERY impulsive. I say stupid, stupid things... I sometimes can get panic attacks that can last for days... and i sometimes get super depressed where i cannot physically get out of bed. The picture above is kind of what it looks like in my head. I black out. I cannot physically remember most things that happen when im stuck in my mania state. I get racing thoughts and they seem endless, like they could go on forever. Because im Bipolar 2 im driven by anxiety. I can go from being super anxious, to super happy in a matter of minuets. My thoughts are --------- and repetitive. I get very negative. I'm unstoppable with my mouth, and i cannot control it. I cannot control what it says, or what i do.

I AM NOT DANGEROUS!

Just incredibly stressed.

Someone else on the internet describes HIS mania:

"The mania part is awesome. I have tons of energy and don’t want to stop. The best part of mania is that I’m so optimistic about everything. You could crash a car through my house and I’d reply, “What a great time to build something new!” I’m my most creative during this process, so I’m doing as much as possible to capitalize on it. Artistic or constructive, I’m up for anything. I have the most fun running around and entertaining people, making them laugh, and acting like a big clown. I get a lot of satisfaction from the laughs and smiles I can get out of people. It makes me feel invincible. Every morning I wake up ready to go, even if I didn’t get much sleep the night before. I don’t really need that much sleep, so I just go and go and do so much. I see all of my friends, have a blast, get everything done on my to-do list, and more. And do I talk. I’m all over the place, dominating every conversation. I’ve been told I talk too fast and switch topics so quickly that it’s hard for others to keep up with me. Sometimes, I can’t keep up with myself.Unfortunately, this is when I go out more, spend all of my money, and drink too much. I’ve been in a few fistfights during my mania, but it’s not because I was really angry. Getting into a fight at a bar with some dude twice my size is exhilarating. I know it’s destructive, but it’s the greatest form of entertainment because it’s raw, tough, and totally dangerous. I’ve yet to be seriously hurt in one of these fights, so I keep escalating each time. It’s like a game to me. An upside to the mania is that my sex drive goes haywire. I crave a lot more sex during this period and sometimes it’s a bit much for my girlfriend.During my mania, I feel like a god. I feel like I can do anything, so my self-worth skyrockets. I can’t explain it, but when the mania burns out I’ve got nothing left. Without the highs of mania, I wouldn’t be able to tolerate the lows of depression."http://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/...)

Depression Days With Mania.....

When i get depressed i cannot get out of bed. I am confined to the four walls of my bedroom. My bedroom becomes a prison i cannot physically leave. I am grounded. I want to float away. I feel this endless kind of sad, it wont go away. I feel empty. I feel cold. I feel alone.

My depressive episode can last for a few days, weeks, a few hours, i never know; and that is scary.

Days that i suffer from my mania depression are days when i physically drive to campus, and turn around to go home because i just can't do it.

Normal Days With Mania.....

These days i feel absolutely fine. I feel like nothing can go wrong. I am as normal as i can be, even though i am screaming.

"I wake up in the morning and I feel fine. I don’t dread going about my day. I go to work, get things done, and have plenty of energy throughout the day. I can roll with the punches the average day gives me. I’m not freaking out over small problems, I enjoy the little things, and I’m not loathing the future. I feel normal and it’s how I see myself. I’m not some lunatic running around or some mopey, lazy slug." (http://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/...)

Can't Drugs Help?

What About Therapy?

Yes, therapy can help; but therapy takes TIME. It never works as fast as it should. It can take months, years, days, it is different for everybody.

Hospitalization?

Hospitalization for most people is really scary. Nobody wants to be treated like a test subject, and that is precisely what they do in hospitals.

Here are some personal stories about what its like being in a hospital: https://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/arti...

Types of Bipolar Explained:

• Bipolar I disorder: involves at least one manic or mixed episode. Most people experience depression as well.
• Bipolar II disorder: involves at least one episode of hypomania and an episode of depression.
• Cyclothymia: involves hypomania and mild symptoms of depression (not a full episode of depression) experienced most of the time over at least a two-year period.
• When bipolar disorder does not fit into the above categories: For example, a person may experience mild depressive or hypomanic symptoms that last less than the two years specified for cyclothymia. Another example is when a person has depressive episodes, but their symptoms of mood elevation are too mild or brief to be diagnosed as mania or hypomania.

Symptoms: How to Tell If You Or Someone Is Bipolar. . . .

1. Racing Thoughts

Part of being Bipolar unfortunately is having racing thoughts as i explained before. These are a string of thoughts that just wont go away about all kinds of subjects, or about yourself... such as

I'm fat

I'm worthless

I'm pathetic

Over and over again.

2. You cant Complete Tasks

You cannot finish ANYTHING. You have a house filled with half finished projects.

3. Irritability

You are very moody, and willing to snap at any moment.

4. Flight of Ideas A bunch of ideas come and go. You are unstoppable.

In Closing:

I hope that you learned something from this dear reader, that you can take away something from all of this. We are not crazy folk, we are just different.