The Virginia Tech shooting of 2007 is the first memory I have of mass murder. I remember seeing the same image of the shooter on the bottom right corner of the TV while my mom was watching CNN.

There were pictures of multiple guns flashing across the screen while a narrative played about a man who had clearly lost his mind. There was a list of names and places - where, when, and how each victim was shot. I remember going to school the next day and thinking that, when I was all grown up and heading to college, I would have to pick a school close to home so I could commute, as there was no way I’d risk living next to a lunatic who could easily shoot me in the hall.

Once I passed through middle school, school shootings were becoming a regular theme on my favorite television shows. These terrifying episodes were painting a picture of school warfare that I had never imagined could exist amongst children. Little did I know, these stories were being based on real, contemporary events and were meant to provide a commentary on the mental illness problem facing our modern society.

Then Sandy Hook happened – and my understanding of the mass shooting phenomenon plaguing this nation changed entirely. It suddenly became clear to me that the problem wasn’t merely America’s avoidance of facing mental health issues, it was this country’s refusal to allow our blatantly growing culture of violence to interrupt its gun sales. Children, teachers, parents, and loved ones were dying left and right at the hands of ordinary people who were sold guns as easily and legally as I buy my groceries, but news anchors and politicians were chalking it up to an epidemic of untreated insanity.

Not only was the world avoiding the real problem in the face of massive tragedy, but they were misdirecting the blame in the name of the Constitution. Finally, once the real issue was being acknowledged and discussed (that being the unreasonably open access to guns on a wide scale), suddenly the right to own a gun became the most fundamental right a person could have in order to maintain their freedom as Americans – a right so vital to protect that losing it was actually a more terrifying thought than dying in a night club or a preschool.

Today, liberal newscasts and comedy shows are freely discussing this issue with great fervor on a regular basis – quite beautifully, if I do say so myself (shout out to the Daily Show and my man Trevor Noah), but people still seem to be ignoring one of the blatantly obvious trends that are contributing to this persistent gun violence. An overwhelming number of mass shooters have been men. Why has this not become a theme in the conversation about gun violence? Don’t worry, this is not about to turn into a man-bashing piece, but since we’re finally being honest about the gun issue in America, shouldn’t we be acknowledging every piece of the equation?

Our men are being raised to look up to violence from a young age. Movies, TV shows, and popular music are constantly promoting violence and rape culture as if it’s just a part of a man’s identity. Black men are being taught to be wary of cops, so as not to accidentally provoke a fatal shooting, women of every color are being taught not to let their guard down around men in the likely case of domestic abuse or date rape, and children are taught on a daily basis not to follow strange men into a van with promise of candy because, apparently, it’s totally normal to expect strange men to walk around targeting children with the intent of being violently sexual with them.

I’m not saying that we should stop being careful as a society or that one policy change or one PC conversation will change the fact that there are bad people in the world and that even good people react violently to stressful situations on a daily basis. What I am saying is that no productive changes will be made unless we start addressing problems in their entirety. We cannot avoid having difficult conversations out of fear that we will provoke insulting or Constitution-changing responses. We need to have these honest conversations in order to make positive steps forward. Needless to say, making a change in gun policy and addressing the socially prevalent, hyper-masculine culture running rampant through this country is definitely moving forward.