Have you ever googled the word 'abuse'? No? Do it now. Now click images. What do you see? What do you now assume? This is probably what you see in your mind when someone mentions 'abuse'. And that's okay, because that is a form of abuse. Now, imagine a young girl telling you how her boyfriend of nine months is abusing her. You probably imagine him punching, choking, or slapping her for something she did. Most young women are ashamed and afraid to come forward about their abusive relationship because society doesn't consider verbal, sexual, financial, or psychological abuse when they think of an abusive relationship. Here's why we need to start talking about these types of abuse:
Verbal
When a woman claims that she is being verbally abused, some may laugh. They laugh because they fail to understand what this means. Verbal abuse is a negative defining statement told to the victim or about the victim, or by withholding any response, thereby defining the target as non-existent. For instance, your boyfriend knows everything about you; he knows your strengths and your weaknesses. He uses these to attack you, to degrade you, to make you feel like less than you really are, that way he can control you and manipulate you. This can mean calling you fat, stupid, going nowhere, whore, bitch, etc. These things don't seem significant but when they are being thrown at you time and time again they leave a mark. You start to believe the things he says are true and you start to hate yourself. This leaves you vulnerable to his control and his manipulation. Verbal abuse is only the beginning for some.
Sexual
Most people don't think of sexual abuse when they think of relationship abuse. However, it can happen. There may be times when you want to have sex with your partner. But, what about if you don't want to? There can be instances when one person in the relationship is forced by verbal or physical means, to have sex with their partner. Someone who is going through this, may be afraid to admit it. How would someone take them seriously? How can you be sexually abused by someone you call your boyfriend or girlfriend? Society needs to stop labeling abuse and abusive relationships because no two situations are alike. Victims need to know that what's happening to them isn't okay and it will be taken seriously.
Psychological
Psychological abuse includes a range of non-physical controlling behaviors that cause emotional damage and undermine a person's sense of well-being. This is where your abuser becomes strategic. He isolates you from friends and family, that way only he can make you feel like you belong. He verbally abuses you to make sure you don't have enough confidence to question him. He knows just what to say to make sure you don't leave, yet still keeps you afraid of him. He may threaten to kill himself and make sure everyone knows you're to blame, he may tell you you're nothing without him and at this point you believe him, or he will tell you that you're too fat and ugly for anyone else to love you. All of these things are perfectly executed to make sure you're too weak to ever leave.
Financial
Sometimes other than your abuser just making you feel like you have nowhere else to go, he or she may actually make sure of it. For relationships that share bank accounts, or for relationships where one person is at home not working, getting out may be a hell of a lot more difficult. At this point, your options are even more limited. Your partner controls everything from who you talk to, where you go, and even your money. This makes leaving difficult for obvious reasons; you can't just run off. You have to have someone that your partner hasn't already cut you off from to run to. When looking at a potentially abusive relationship and wondering why he or she doesn't just leave, it is important to consider this as a factor.
Physical
It is fairly obvious what physical abuse is. Physical abuse is use of physical force that may result in bodily injury, physical pain, or impairment. This may start off by your partner punching a wall or breaking things when angry. Eventually they will start grabbing your arm to pull you when angry, pushing you up against a wall to get you to listen, choking you because you're talking back, slapping, punching or striking you because you really made them angry this time, throwing things at you, pushing you into things. Nothing is too small, or too insignificant. Physical force isn't the way to go about anything. It's not okay and there are no good excuses. No matter how much they say differently, it isn't your fault. If your partner put their hands on you, they went too far.
Before you judge a situation, make sure you understand the different types of abuse. Don't make a victim feel like they're overreacting or overly emotional. Manipulative, abusive partners start with verbal and psychological abuse. This is how they get to their victims, they get inside their head and make sure they're afraid and alone. They want control over their partner, and will do whatever it takes to keep that control. Eventually they have to act on their threats and a once verbally abusive relationship, becomes physical.
