When You're Too Focused On Life, It's Difficult To See What's Going On Inside

When You're Too Focused On Life, It's Difficult To See What's Going On Inside

It's Not As Easily Recognizable Like Things On The Outside Appear As


As college students, life gets busy. Even as people our lives become hectic with almost non-stop work and routines. For students, it's full of classes and work, among trying not to completely abandon our social lives and still maintain a healthy level of sanity and occasionally getting sleep when we can. In all honesty, life is rough. And not to get philosophical momentarily, but like there's gonna be these moments of highs and lows and getting past them is part of the journey we go along in life.

And everyone goes through s***. No matter how many times we succeed there are instances that slow us down and make us feel like we're taking two steps back instead of two steps forward. But at the same time life moves too fast for us to be able to dwell on any one thing- even when that thing seems like it's the only thing we can/will obsess about. In all of the hecticness of life though- no one really ever slows down. Life never seems to stop and take a second to breathe.

We, as people, do the same thing.

And to be completely honest, mental health is the same way. We all have bad days. We all have good days. Some are better than others maybe. But in all of it- life. moves. on. Too often it can feel like life is moving past us and what's currently in front of us might be holding us back from looking inside of ourselves and seeing where our health lies. Our minds are a web of thoughts and communication that help to tune us into the rest of our body and the world surrounding us.

Nerves are completely normal, but when emotions pile up and drag us down into these deep dark holes- this isn't healthy! Those with diagnosed mental health disorders often find themselves having to fight to take care of themselves. Even with what may seem like a basic routine. I can't exactly say how it must feel because I haven't gone through things like this, but it doesn't mean that there aren't at least a hundred people who know this feeling a little too well.

When it feels like life is moving too fast and you just want to have the world pause for a minute to catch your breath? That's when you need to evaluate. I know the feeling of wanting to world to stop for a minute- almost all too well. I never feel like I'm able to just BREATHE. But my point through all of this is that it's super, super important to take that moment. No matter what you're doing and what's stressing you out take that moment to evaluate yourself because no one knows you better than yourself.

The moments that matter the most are more than those when everything is falling apart. That feeling could've been prevented earlier on by taking that moment and stepping out of reality just to breathe. As easy as it sounds, it's really not. We get caught up in this web of life and it turns into a mess of everything being spun together.

Because mental health is still a relatively newer topic that's being discussed throughout the world, it's not looked at too seriously. Those who are proponents of it take the matter very seriously and are passionate about advocacy for the subject. Although, mental health isn't something that can be looked at from the outside and declared right then and there. It's not as simple as a doctor giving you medication for something like the flu- which has obvious symptoms.

Those who know mental health- both the good and bad- know the symptoms in themselves because everyone is different. No two people are possibly going to exhibit the very same traits in the same manner for the same diagnosis. Two different diagnoses for the same disorder could look very different.

Which is why when you take a moment and stop to look around or to notice something in the smaller details, this is when you're essentially looking into yourself to see those smaller aspects of yourself that may feel neglected for the majority of the time- like sometimes mental health. Though- it really isn't a little part of all of our lives- mental health plays a huge role in how we live our lives and go about each day. It tells us when we're hungry, when we're tired- what seem like obvious things, but the deceptions of traits can take these simple feelings and make them appear like something different.

So, remember to look inside of yourself and take care of yourself. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Whatever these mean to you- fulfill them. Make them important aspects of growing and taking care of yourself.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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If Shonda Can Do A Year Of Yes, Then So Can I



A few years ago, Shonda Rimes decided to do a year of saying yes, after her sister told her she says "No" to everything. It ended up changing her life.

So, I've decided to embark on my own year of yes.

Sure, it may be easy to say yes to everything when you're a millionaire with a bunch of record-setting televisions shows, but the rest of us can do it too.

Say yes to treating yourself.

Say yes to taking care of yourself.

Say yes to saying no, don't stretch yourself too thin.

Say yes to new opportunities

The year of yes is about taking better care of yourself.

My year of yes starts right now.

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