"Hey! How are you?"
"Good? You?"
"I'm good, thanks."
We've all seen friends on campus and had this same stock conversation in passing, not really thinking about what's going on after we get the confirmation that the other person is "good."
Are they really though?
Students in college and people in general are seemingly always on the go. We always have something going on, somewhere to be next, or someone to see, so we rarely take time to stop and enjoy life or really find out what's going on with ourselves or others. The other day I saw this tweet and couldn't agree more:
People rarely dedicate the time to see how people are doing. We look for a "fine" or "alright" to get us off the hook from having to care and devote our time to others. With a lot of the people in my life, we rarely get enough time to have much meaningful conversation or quality time. We spend weeks apart, having to "catch up" over a meal when we meet up, never having enough time to get past the surface level happenings of life to have much memorable conversation.
I'm certainly guilty of it, but so many times people will say that they are doing fine just because they see no point in bringing up their struggles if no one has the time to listen. How would it go?
"Hey! How are you?"
"Actually having a really bad day. I feel terrible."
"I'm sorry. Hope you feel better."
"Umm ... thanks."
We have to take time to slow down and be attentive, not only with our ears, but with our hearts and our lives.
We live in a hurting world full of people that need love, care, support, and hope. Many are people who are always smiling, doing their best to choose joy every day or fight through whatever is plaguing them; they are people you'd never guess are struggling. Many are your friends and acquaintances. Throughout this year and at other points in my life, I've even been one of those people. No matter who you are, you hold the power to make major impact and change in someone's life just by being there for them or listening -- not just continuing to walk on your own path, but choosing to guide someone back onto their own. Your simple acts of kindness can drastically change days. Taking time out of your busy schedule to lay down for your friends can be just what they need to power through.
Moreover, another big point that I want to make is that we all need to be honest with each other about how we're doing.
The truth is that we're not all feeling like kings and queens 24/7.
We all have bad days, no matter how amazing our lives are, or how amazing we portray them to be. When you open up about your life, it enables others to do the same. People won't feel shameful or like they are seen as weak or complaining when they are having a hard day. They won't feel like there is something wrong with them for not being full of joy every moment. Most people aren't eager to tell everyone their problems and try to fix them all themselves, but vulnerability on both parts will make a huge difference in the stigma surrounding not acting happy all the time.
If there's one thing I've learned this year, it's that people aren't as inquisitive or able to read our minds as we'd like. Communication is key to relationships, friendships, and problem solving -- really most aspects of life. If people don't know something is going on, then they'll act as if there isn't. Change is in the hands of both parties. We have to ask more about people's lives and be willing to open up ourselves when asked. Let's take time to listen and to speak honestly, not just say that we're "fine" when we're not or say "sorry" when people need us. Let's make time for deep friendship, not just surface level relationships. Lets open up our hearts to pour out and to receive. Let's not live in the facade that we're okay all the time.We weren't made to live life alone, so let's do this together.
