This is a spoken word poem written by myself and my best friend. We share our personal experiences not only to show how far we've come but to let others know they are not alone. TRIGGER WARNING! If reading about depression, loss of a loved one, eating disorders or similar topics will upset you, please do not read.

Welcome to the world little girl

You are in first grade and you want to be a race horse jockey when you grow up

And your best friend lives right around the corner

And life is so simple

But it won’t stay this way for long. no.

This year you will get on the bus and you will be punched for the first time

You will be called fat, and ugly, and stupid

Sam will be changed to Spam and Spam will be changed to Ham because

You’re so fat you might as well be a pig.

Middle school, welcome to the beginning of Hell.

You wake up in the morning to look in the mirror,

And say "this is me."

You compare yourself to what you think you should be.

"I'm fat." "I'm ugly." "How could his be?" "Why would God ever do this to me?"

You put on some make-up or some acne-cream,

To cover the blemishes that others can see.

Although it doesn't matter what others see,

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

But the beholder is me.

In middle school you are going to hate yourself

You won’t even be able to look in the mirror because you are

Too ashamed of what you’ll see

So you’ll walk around school sucking in your gut and praying.

Praying that no one will look at you

And praying that someone will notice you

Next thing you know you're fourteen,

You wake up in the middle of the night to find out your best friend is dead.

Soon enough you start holding a needle to your wrist just so you could feel something again.

Lonely, empty, numb,

The word "alone" begins to look more and more like "home."

You see the pain as a gift because you deserve it.

You master the fake smile,

That way even those who care about you the most won't see the pain within your eyes.

Jr. High

Welcome to hell.

You’ll always be sad and you won’t know why

But the sad won’t really be sad, It’ll be more like mad.

Or maybe lonely

But there’ll be no word to describe it because

You haven’t felt anything like this before

And You will choke on your loneliness even when

You are surrounded by people who care about you

You’ll learn to smile with your mouth

But not with your eyes.

Because your eyes will be the windows to

A broken soul

You won’t understand what depression is but

You will be suffocated by the darkness you feel

You are

Numb,

Nothing,

Empty

Empty like your stomach because at fourteen

You will decide it’s better to be thin than it is to eat

On the inside you're SCREAMING,

SCREAMING from the pain,

SCREAMING to be heard,

SCREAMING hoping someone will notice and care enough to break down your walls.

And you’ll stop crying

And you’ll stop praying

And you will push away everyone who wants to help you

And you’ll sit in your bedroom

Holding scissors to your wrist

And wishing you had the strength to do it

Because you just want to

FEEL SOMETHING

Eventually you just STOP.

You stop crying,

You stop praying,

You stop fighting the pain because you know you'll lose every time.

These will be your lowest years

But they won't last

Time goes by and you learn to love yourself,

You learn to take your trials and make them blessings for someone else.

You no longer feel powerless and lonely,

But strong and wise.

In high school

You’re going to learn who you are

And who you want to be

You are going to be healed by the Savior you tried to hide from

And learn to see yourself through the eyes of Christ,

As someone who was fearfully and wonderfully made instead of a mistake

You're going to find love

And learn to love yourself.

You’ll be warmed by the sun

And by the joy in children's faces

And you will find confidence as you become the woman you were created to be.

The emptiness will be replaced

By the love

Of a heart strengthened by faith

You know what you want and who you want to be,

You are driven and strive to achieve greatness.

Someday you'll be eighteen years old

Still growing

And changing

And evolving

And there will be a whole world in front of you

And you will no longer be afraid to face it

By the grace of God you are set free.