“We’re talking.”

“Well, are you talking? Or are you talking?”

“I don’t know if we’re really talking talking, we’re just talking.”

…

This is a segment of an extremely common conversation, that I’m sure almost everyone my age has had at one point. And even though most of us have been involved, we have to admit: it sounds completely stupid. Is this really what we’ve watered relationships down to?

I’m pretty sure that’s how things are going nowadays. You’re together, but you’re not really together. You’re going on dates, but you’re not dating. You’re just hanging out, but you’re more than just friends, because you like each other, but neither of you wants a relationship, especially if you’re the first one to admit that you do- so you’re talking, but you’re not talking.

…What?

No wonder things are so confusing, and easily miscommunicated. Because it doesn’t actually make any freaking sense.

Here’s the thing: we are refusing to be emotionally vulnerable. In the extremely anti-social world of social media, our business literally becomes everyone else’s entertainment. It’s one of the single most terrifying things to members of our generation to have the perceived weakness of having real feelings get in the way of how we want to appear to everyone else. In three words: it’s too complicated. We’re afraid to actually admit to having legitimate feelings, in general and for others, because we’re afraid of being shamed for it.

But my question is: what’s the harm in liking someone? Because we’re afraid to get hurt? Because what if they don’t like us back? Sure, maybe we will and maybe they won’t, but we’ve run ourselves into a rut out of fear and we’re stuck in romantic limbo. There is a possibility of getting hurt, whether you put yourself out there or not. But hurt and change are how we grow and become stronger. It’s how we learn to cope and move on and persevere, which are things we need to embrace as strengths instead of shield ourselves from.

We want to love and be loved, but we don’t want to admit it. So we try to be aloof, indifferent, and uncaring. That gives us the illusion of protection. But the reality is, being hurt isn’t any less painful just because we act like we don’t care. So what if we embraced the crazy idea of opening ourselves up, and being vulnerable? Yes, it’s scary. But I would rather find strength in emotional vulnerability than run from it.

So, say what you think. If you like someone, tell them. If they don’t like you back, it’s okay. That’s how they feel. And knowing that will allow you to recognize when it’s time to build yourself up and move on. Tell the girl that sits behind you in class that you think she’s pretty. If she honestly reacts badly to a compliment, it’s her loss. Not yours.

Ask that person you can’t stop thinking about to go on a real, actual date. Believe it or not, it’s much more personal and fun than going to someone's house and awkwardly sitting on their couch until someone gets horny enough to make a move. It’s scary to jump. And I hate how we’ve found a way to date without actually dating, because we miss out on a lot when we run away from ourselves.

So, with all this talking, let’s actually start saying something.