I'm not going to lie: this move has been tough. It's not because I regret making the decision of moving to a new state, rather that I have not quite adjusted to being here. Most of the time, it stems from absolute boredom from being stuck in the apartment all day. When I was in Connecticut, I at least had a job and had something to do a majority of the time. But right now, I have nothing.

My girlfriend told me that it could take six months to make the adjustment. At first, I did not want to believe that, and for a little while, I felt pretty good about making this change, so I took the warning with a grain of salt. But lately, things have gotten weird and I do not like what is happening.

I have been in a pit lately. Some days, it has manifested itself in self-pity and self-loathing. But mostly, it's come out in anger. I start looking for things to tick me off. It's almost like I have pulled a Ren and become addicted to rage. I've gotten to the point that I'm almost afraid of it ruining my relationship. And everything came to a head in a couples class we took not too long ago. Of course, I was apologetic, because I knew I was handling everything poorly when it started coming out.

My girlfriend is understanding. She then told me something that she learned in one of her therapy sessions: that I have no productive outlet for myself. She is looking to start doing origami or playing her cello, and then she suggested that I find something to do with my time.

I realized that she was right. I have no real way of letting go of whatever energy I have, so it festers until I lash out in anger. It's not healthy, but it gives me a rush. I just need to find a healthier outlet to make me happy without it being rage-induced.

I have been into this anime called Aggretsuko. The main character uses death metal karaoke to destress from her life in the accounting department at a trading firm. But what does this have to do with the real world, whether it's myself, my girlfriend, or anyone else for that matter?

Lately, I have gotten back into using the skills I learned in my photojournalism class. Now I am just going through most of my photos and trying to be creative with editing, seeing it could be a part of my career (possibly). I may also start hitting the gym again or finding some way to get downtown to keep up with the photography. And we both plan on taking up yoga.

The important thing about coping mechanisms, whether it be knitting, scrapbooking, playing an instrument, or lifting weights, is that it keeps you occupied. That way, you don't have too much time to think about your troubles. I did not realize a lot of things about myself while I was at the University of Maine, mostly because I focused myself on classwork, making money, my radio show, and my fraternity. I was keeping myself so busy that I never had the time to even think about whatever problems I may have had.

Now that I have time on my hands, I keep getting in my own head. Frankly, I do not like what is in there.

I won't say that certain coping mechanisms cannot be unhealthy. There are vices, crutches, whatever you wish to call them, that are detrimental to well-being. Getting drunk or high every night is not the healthiest thing to do. Getting caught up in your coping mechanism to the point where you neglect your daily responsibilities is not a good thing either.

The trick then is to do what you love until you can confront the issue without becoming overwhelmed. It is easier to work on yourself with an even head on your shoulders so that you don't do anything drastic and instantly regret it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do some more photo editing so that I have a clear mind to focus on job hunting.