People who seek attention are often looked down upon. When we see an individual we perceive is simply acting a certain way to attain attention, we sometimes ignore him/her further because we assume wanting attention is a bad thing and should not be rewarded. This assumption starts at a young age. Throughout childhood, we are reinforced to believe attention seeking behavior is negative. When a child throws a tantrum, it is common practice for the parents to ignore the tantrum until it passes; after all, rewarding the child with what he/she wants would only reinforce the inappropriate behavior. While this is a positive parenting technique, it also lays the groundwork for us to believe seeking attention will not be rewarded and is thus an undesirable behavior.

This belief is further reinforced as we grow older. From phrases like "attention hog" and "teacher's pet," we constantly deride individuals who seek attention from others. Being labeled with these phrases can significantly impact one's self esteem, leading the individual to feel insecure in his/her desire for attention and to stop seeking it out. Even if someone is not directed labeled in this fashion, simply observing others being ridiculed for seeking attention can negatively impact one's desire for attention. We begin to think, "I must be independent, because relying on attention from others is a negative quality."

This type of thinking can lead people to become socially withdrawn and refrain from relying on others for support. American society is individualistic, meaning we value those who demonstrate independent qualities and who stand apart from a group. This set of values, along with our negative view of attention seeking behavior, reinforces emotional independence as a positive quality. This reinforcement is especially strong for men, who feel pressure to conform to their male gender role, which generally expects them to be independent and refrain from displaying strong emotions. Ultimately, this leads us to hold in our feelings and infrequently seek help for emotional problems, for fear of being labeled as "attention-seeking."

But is seeking attention really a negative quality? Sure, some people go about seeking attention in obnoxious and sometimes toxic ways, from displaying eccentric behavior to being passive-aggressive and manipulative. But beyond these avenues for gaining attention, is desiring attention really a problem?

I briefly discussed in a previous article the "need to belong," as proposed by psychologists Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary. They hypothesized we need "frequent, positive interactions with the same individuals" in order to be mentally healthy. In short, they theorized we need attention from others. Moreover, they specified we must engage "in these interactions within a framework of long-term, stable care and concern." That is, we must receive attention from people who genuinely care about us and our emotions.

So, the desire for attention is innate; we seek attention to fulfill the need to belong, which is a fundamental psychological need. Therefore, if we do not receive the attention we desire, this basic need may not be met. This could lead to undesirable effects such as higher levels of mental and physical illness, according to Baumeister and Leary. So not only do we naturally crave attention, failure to obtain it may be detrimental to our health.

All in all, seeking attention is not a bad thing. In fact, we need attention from others in order to remain psychologically healthy. Furthermore, the tendency in American society to view attention seeking behavior in a negative light and apply negative labels to those who seek attention more frequently than others can be psychologically damaging. Through our individualistic nature, stigmatization of being an "attention hog," and tendency to further ignore people we perceive to be seeking attention, we actually undermine each other's ability to fulfill the need to belong.

So next time someone is "just doing something for attention," no matter how obnoxious the behavior may be, take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Instead of labeling that person as an attention hog, consider the fact he/she may be lonely and need someone to talk to. Maybe this person does not have a lot of friends or an avenue to communicate his/her feelings. While you may never know the rationale behind someone's attention-seeking behavior, be aware the behavior is the result of a fundamental psychological drive and do not use it as an excuse to further ignore someone. In the end, we all need attention sometimes, and while we may not always go about obtaining it in the best way, we should not label the drive to receive attention in a negative fashion. After all, it is not the need itself that is negative, but rather how people sometimes go about fulfilling it.