From day one there was something about you I couldn’t explain. You were fearless. Nothing stood in your way and nobody could tell you no. When I met you, I was afraid of my shadow and who I could be. You took me under your wing and showed me around. I was the “newbie” at school and quickly your friends became my friends too. I finally started to feel like I belonged.
I knew you liked girls, you made that quite obvious with your comments and jokes. You never said it out loud though. I think that would have made it too real for you. I told you how I felt and that's when it all started going downhill.
You asked me out, but we weren’t dating. ‘Dating’ was going out on dates. We were 16, but you acted 25, eager to grow up and explore the world. At 16, you had a thirst for knowledge and experience. So, we went out and you strung me along. You told me things to push me away, hoping I would give up and you wouldn’t have to face your feelings.
It worked for a little while, we stayed friends, until 3 weeks later when I kissed you in the snow. You invited me over, and we went for a walk in the melting snow. It was chilly, but nice enough to enjoy the winter wonderland. So you took me to a spot you loved near the water, and climbed through the snow, and up to the top of a lifeguard chair. You always taunted me, never believing I could keep up with you. You dared me to come up, so I swallowed my fears and went, almost falling on the way up. We sat for awhile and just talked, but you stared at my lips and I couldn’t help but have butterflies.
As fearless as you claimed to be, you were really a coward in disguise. I kissed you and from that moment on I was hooked. It wasn’t until you left me for good that I figured out why I loved you.
To quote a very famous movie, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”: “We accept the love we think we deserve”. I would have given you everything, you took most of it. I could have made you happy if you had’t been so damn cowardly. But you don't deserve my love. I spent years trying to make you happy, acting insane to get you to notice and want me. But, in the end, you didn't deserve me.
You led me in, gave me every chance to be there for you just to have you push me away. You played me like a guitar and laughed as you broke my heart little by little. I could have given you everything, but, instead, you let me in, made me love you, only to leave without a goodbye.
We spent years trying to make us work, only to have you running when it got too real for you. Well, you ran off to Europe and left me with a broken heart and trust issues. When does it become okay? When do you apologize and say sorry for breaking me? For giving you my heart and dancing on the pieces.
