This is a letter to me.

I know you’ve been thinking that maybe you need a little guidance. You’re having a tough time. And hell, it's not getting better.

And I know you don’t know what to do about it. You’re always stressed and you don’t know how to not be stressed. You don’t know what it’s like to just wake up and say, okay, I’m going to tackle this day and just be okay with that.

It takes you forever to wake up. And I don’t mean just forever to wake up because you’re a heavy sleeper--I mean it takes you forever to actually think, okay, it’s time to get up, it’s time to get ready and it’s time to tackle this day.

You don’t look at a day and think, oh, it’s a new beginning. You look at a day and think this is just a struggle. You’re sick and tired of this. You don’t know where to start to make everything better.

One thing you do know is that your friends make you feel better. You like to be in the comfort of them, especially Ash. People tell you that it’s not healthy how much you’re with Ash but they don’t see what Ash does for you. Anyway, this isn’t about Ash or other people.

This is about you. This is about how you need to care about yourself and not what others think. Advice for you my friend Ryder: do what makes you feel good. Right now you’re still figuring out how to do that but you need to try harder.

Okay, so your parents don’t understand you, oh well. Your classes are bogus and hard to keep up with, well keep pushing. You’re tired all the time and never get enough sleep, you still need to get up the next day and keep on going.

This is hard. But maybe one day it’ll be worth it. Put those others to shame baby boy and make your mark. Right now, if spending unnecessary amounts of time with Ash makes you feel less suicidal, do it. If sleeping for 16 hours is necessary for you, do it. If you need to take a day to just not talk to anyone and do you, guess what just do it.

Because you need it to make this happen man. You need to make this happen for you. Not for anyone else but for you. You got this baby. Just keep pushing forward.

Love, Ry