Everyone has that one character in "Parks and Recreation" that they relate to. Maybe you're a total Donna-- you're sassy, self-confident, and great at what you do no matter what. Maybe you're Leslie and you love feminism, waffles, and local government. Or maybe you're kind, sweet Ann who just wants to live life the happiest and best way she can and you're also a beautiful sunfish. Maybe you're even a cross between two characters. But me, I'm basically a full blown Jean-Ralphio.

I can't pass up an opportunity to make money.

Offer me a way to make money and I'll probably do it. Whether it's "accidentally" getting run over by a city bus, eating food that you think might be expired so that you know it's OK to eat, or actually a job, I'll do it. I love money. Money is bae.

I'm really creative.

I'll write you a rap, I'll write you a haiku, I'll write you a story; it just probably won't be exactly perfect because we're all human and we all have flaws. Also it's just really hard for me to not push it the extra mile because I have a problem. But it's still flattering that I'm doing something nice, right? .....Right?

I'm really fun. Like, REALLY fun.

I party hard. Always. Every day. It's all I'm about. (Besides good grades and working hard and paying rent, Mom. I do those, too.) I have great dance moves. I have good jokes. I have probably the best attitude. Let me party with you. I'll prove it. I'm the most fun person you'll ever meet at a party ever. Unless Nicki Minaj is going. She's probably a little more fun that me.

I fear adulthood very, VERY much.

I don't want to grocery shop or pay rent or have a job sometimes. I definitely don't want to go to school sometimes. Sometimes I'd like to just be a cat. Or maybe a golden retriever in an upperclass family. I want people to take care of me and for me to have to do nothing but the things I love. However, that's probably not going to happen. But I still don't want to be anything like an adult.

I'm not subtle about anything at all ever.

If you want to know how I honestly feel about you, I'll tell you. If you want an opinion on anything, I will not hold back. Sure, I can throw shade. I'm really good at throwing shade. But I'm better at full-on calling people the heck out. I'll call anyone out. I'll probably sing it. Maybe I'll post a funny meme that relates to the problem you're causing. Who knows. But I won't be subtle about it. I'll put it all out there.

I'm a positive influence to those around me.

I'm very good at comforting people. I know what people need in order to feel better, and even if I don't, I still let them know that I absolutely care. I care very much. I want everyone to be in a great mood so that then we can all have a good time and I can show everyone how fun I am (see above).

My squad is just as insane as I am.

Ain't nobody messin' with my clique. Because A.) I've got their backs, and B.) They've got their own backs and they're also INSANE. I've had someone threaten to burn down a dorm room and I've had to talk them out of it and into just burning gifts that they didn't want from their ex. I've also had to talk my friends out of possibly murdering people who have hurt me or others in my squad. It's just how it goes. I've grown to live with it.

I still have genuine feelings and sometimes they come out.

Bleh. Love. Gross. Sadness. Ew. I don't want to talk about it. The feelings are NOT coming out today. They're not.... not..... ugh. Feelings.

I'm a liberal, and kind of loud about it.

This is another thing that I won't be subtle about. I'll also probably sing about it. I'm pretty darn socialist, honestly. Some might find that kind of upsetting. To me, it's something I'm proud of. I've read up on it. I'm educated on the subject matter. I have my opinions. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THEM.

Overall, I just want to say that I am Jean-Ralphio, and Jean-Ralphio is me. He's great, I'm great: it's just too real.