Let's be honest with ourselves: Endings suck.
The end of friendships, relationships, and other emotional ties is almost never a clean break, no matter how hard you try to make it one. Once things end, you start trying to figure out where things went wrong.
Was it you? Was it them? Could you have fixed it?
The simple answer to all of those is no. It's no one's fault, and no amount of make-up sex or talking it out could have fixed it.
The messy answer, however, is yes. Sometimes someone is to blame. Sometimes we're dumb enough to think talking and sex and whatever else can fix it. I said no was the simple answer, remember?
Let me tell you a little story. I spent eight months of my life developing feelings for a boy. I use the term boy in all seriousness because no man would let something like this carry on for so long. I was envisioning a future with this guy, planning it in the solace of my own space, making jokes to him about how I couldn't wait to graduate college to begin this life, wherever it may take us. I had my qualms and little moments where things seemed off, but we'd spend the night together and then suddenly, quickly, things were perfect again.
Was it because I was physical with him that things would go from mediocre to perfect? Yes. Was I smart enough to figure that out before it was too late? No.
This carried on for a while because I let it. He would go days without speaking to me, which carried into weeks, and I would allow him to continue the cycle because I would come back every time, more eager than before. He made me happy. When things were good, they were good. That was enough.
I looked passed all the bullshit for a few good evenings here and there for eight months. When things came to an abrupt halt, he put the blame on me for pushing him into something he wasn't ready for.
Now, let's talk about my mistakes:
Should it have been red flag number one that he wouldn't make time for me except at night? Yes.
Should I have felt that any of the bad emotional experiences that happened were my fault? No.
Did I care for him so much that I stupidly looked beyond all of the bad stuff? Yes.
From one girl to another, don't make the mistakes I did. The right guy won't let things go on for months only to hurt you in the end. The right guy won't give you a few good moments amongst times of questioning everything. Instead, while every moment won't be happy and serene, the majority of them will.
If you spend more time worrying about fitting into the mold he wants you to be instead of being yourself, he's not the one.
If he acts like he doesn't care, he doesn't care.
