I will never forget the day I received this text. It was the day I finally decided to save myself, to love myself, and to tell myself I was enough. It was the day I finally stood up to the guy I had been dating throughout high school, the one who not only emotionally abused me but physically abused me as well.
I was raised in a home where my parents loved each other unconditionally. I knew how you should be treated in a loving relationship but I was manipulated like a puppet and taught to not only limit my high school experiences but to limit the confidence I had in myself. People knew; at times it was obvious, but I would continue to deny it, all because I was afraid to be “that girl” in the abusive relationship. I didn’t want to believe that I had let myself fall so deep into something so toxic.
Long sleeves and excuses covered my bruises and makeup covered my tear-stained cheeks. Day by day, the outlook I had on myself and on life lessened and I began to just not care. I remember laying down in my bed at night and crying: “You’re so fat," “Look at you, no one else but me would ever want you anyway.” “Look at her, why can’t you fix yourself up like that," “Quit crying, that didn’t hurt." These hateful words replayed in my mind, and the worst part was, I began to believe them. I would try weird diets secretly or wouldn’t eat at all trying to lose weight, trying to change my body for someone who was never worth it, for someone who didn’t ever find it in their heart to love me for me. I let myself accept this horrible relationship for almost four years. I was scared of him and honestly scared of what he would do if I tried to back out.
Then one day, something clicked; a voice inside of me, bigger than myself, reminded me that I was more than this relationship. I saved the awful text he sent me that day as a reminder to never look back; as my bruises began to fade, so did the way I saw myself. I learned that before you can allow someone to love you, you must love yourself first.
As I look back, I wish I could change the way I did a lot of things but that’s the past now, and now, all I can do is help other girls who may be limiting themselves find a voice of their own. Tell girls who think they have nothing else left to live for that this is not the end. I read something the other day from I Am That Girl, and it said “I am that girl, I have a brilliant heart and a beautiful mind. I am me, a perfectly flawed, beauty-FULL work in progress. I promise to lift other girls up, have their backs, and make it safe fro them to be exactly who they are. I’m on a mission to raise standards for how we treat each other, how we treat ourselves, and how we treat the world. Every time I look in the mirror I’ll remind myself that I’m not alone, that I’m beautiful, that my voice matters, and that I am enough.” After I read this I had tears in my eyes, If you are reading this and anything applies to you, please have the courage to love yourself enough to decide you deserve more, love yourself enough to set yourself free. YOU ARE ENOUGH.
If you or someone you know is being mentally or physically abused, please tell someone or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to receive help, you are not alone.
